God always told me that my pain would become my passion and I am starting to see that unfold. He also promised me that I would have an abundant life, especially financially and that I would be a source of immense blessing to those who need help.
For all of my life, I was trapped in the opposite of an abundance. My family was super thrifty and hoarding with a poverty mindset and always told me there was no money (even though there was A LOT!). It was a mentality of fear and complete distrust in God.
Later in life, I got myself into a financial predicament which made me unable to support myself on my own. For over 2 decades, half of my paychecks were always garnished and no matter what I did, I was always being pulled underwater.
I found myself in an abusive marriage and I could not afford to get out of it. He would tell me that I will always need him and that God would not support me. I remember sneaking into the basement to pray alone and I could cry for freedom with all of my heart. It hurt so bad because I was trapped due to a lack of money.
Financial lack was something horribly painful for me all of my life and there were many times in my life when I wanted to die because I couldn’t handle the anguish of lack and poverty any longer. It was a prison for me and was more afflicting than most will ever realize.
That is what makes my story so unique and intentional from God because He is setting me free from all of that abuse and so many other times that I am not even going to mention.
When God opened the door to set me free from that marital abuse, I had a mind that was in bondage to lack and poverty. I failed to believe that God could do anything to help me. I was blinded to faith.
As I started to follow Jesus in this journey, He spoke Ephesians 3:20 and John 10:10 over my life and gave me promises of Hidden riches and having more than I would ever need. It was all about God being a God of abundance and shutting out the abusers. Things started out small as He stretched and grew my faith to depend on Him.
We started in the cheapest hotel rooms and I had to get very creative on how to feed my family. With each season, He would move us into bigger and stretch my trust in His abundance even more.
He always told me that His provisions were a bottomless ocean–they were unending. When He started to challenge my trust in Him to the extreme, I really struggled.
I wanted to stay small and cheap. I wanted to make it as easy as possible. I was also afraid of offending the frugal man and that was a line I eventually had to cross in order to obey Jesus. He wanted me to expand and grow into seeing His support spread out into an abundance.
I had many, many people who used to love and support my journey. However, they were blinded by a religious mindset (aka witchcraft) and they turned their backs on me the moment that God started to give us better and expand our comforts.
Two things about that really irritated me. One is their mindset of limitations and poverty was really sad because I have seen the same people talk about abundance and God’s overflow…Ummm yeah lol.
The other problem is because I was in a place of dependence on God and helpless in their eyes, they were only accepting of me if I lived in the cheapest and most horrible places. I wasn’t good enough to live in nice places like them, at least they thought.
When I was in the little dirtball hotels, they loved me. But then when God started to bless us to stay in nice places, they were offended. Maybe they thought I didn’t deserve nice things. I don’t know, but I no longer care.
What they don’t know is the amount of tormenting pain that lack and poverty put me through from the very beginning of my life and all throughout.
They don’t know about how I pressed my face in the carpet and cried for hours when God asked me to trust Him to provide for us with huge amounts in beautiful homes. It was agony and the only way I could obey was to choose Jesus over myself.
I had to die to myself in order to trust God. I had to decide to follow His plans for us, instead of taking the easy way out. They were not there when I had my heart ripped apart in fear and agony, as God began setting me free from the controlling mindset of lack and poverty.
So I mostly had to go alone, except for the few of you who have loved and accepted my call. God has been leading me to walk into an abundance through His supernatural love and support.
That is why I struggle to let people get close to me because the majority have walked away just after saying that I was their sister and that they loved me. It takes me a long time to feel people out. I think I am part cat lol because I like to watch for a long time before I come close to people and begin to purr. But I have found my comfort in Jesus and I have learned to embrace the pain and let it be transformed into a passion.
The good news is that God promised to vindicate me to all of those who have harshly judged me through their blindness from religion. I look forward to that very much, because the longing for justice is beating in my heart. I also forgive them and understand, because I was once that way before Jesus healed me.
Yet more than that, I look forward to reaching out my arms and having no more limits. I look forward to swimming in the endless abundance of God and not being abused or controlled by poverty or lack again.
I have had many forms of abusive relationships in my life, but I will say the most abusive of all was poverty. Poverty is a curse of witchcraft and that is why the enemy tries to blind people into believing its lies.
One day, I will stand on the top of the mountain of abundance and I hope that my testimony will give hope to others who have also been through this sort of abuse. I hope that those who were in bondage to poverty and offended by my story, will come to know Jesus in ALL of His overflowing abundance–both now and in what is to come.
Money is not the enemy, it is depending on the money and not on God that messes people up. I have had to learn the hard way that God gives lavishly, but first, we must have our hearts tested to see that He is always first. God above all, there is only room for one true love.
God bless you and thank you for hearing my heart cries. I feel like this is my “free Dannette” story, kind of like “free Britney”. When I watched those documentaries, I cried so hard. Because I know what it is like to be controlled, trapped, and helpless.
This journey that God has me on is so much more than what it looks like. It is about my healing from a life-long abuse. It is about me learning to trust God to love me when I was abused and abandoned by so many in my life.
It is about beauty coming out of the pain and that pain becoming a passion to fervently share the promise of change and hope to those who have suffered like me.
I love you and thank you for staying by my side. It means more to me than you could ever know. My heart melts when I think about how grateful I am for your kindness, acceptance, love, and support.
I pray that God would bless you phenomenally for blessing our journey.
With deep love and gratitude,
“…. I have come to give you everything in abundance, more than you expect—life in its fullness until you overflow!”
John 10:10 TPT
“Now to the God who can do so many awe-inspiring things, immeasurable things, things greater than we ever could ask or imagine through the power at work in us”
Ephesians 3:20 The Voice