Nine years ago, God gave me dreams that my husband was seeing another woman. I was able to see so clearly what was happening, even down to the actual restaurant where they would run away to on the weekends.
Those dreams were confirmed to me when I would find the receipts, bank statements, and other pieces of evidence that were brought to my attention.
Even though I wanted to run away and explode with acts of vengeance, it was a very toxic environment and I had to do things the way that God showed me for both the safety of myself and my children.
I watched him lie behind my back for an entire year as he packed up his things every weekend to go to “work”. I saw the photos of when he took her on a vacation to Chicago, with the money that we needed to cover our bills.
I followed what God said and I stayed and waited for Him to open up a door. It had to be done in a special way because it was an abusive and controlling situation. Finally, the last straw came and my husband packed his bags for the last time.
He left me and my kids alone in a home that I had no way to pay for because I was a stay home mom. I was granted a letter of permission from him to take the kids and move to another state. That was the first door that opened and it happened so easily and without a fight.
By the time it happened, I was so relieved because it started to get so toxic to be together that I always felt like I was suffocating and unable to breathe. I cried non-stop that entire year, begging God to save me and make it easy to be free.
I would go to church every Sunday and lay my pain on the altar. I would sit at the front of the sanctuary and weep uncontrollably. The people around me didn’t understand and many were probably annoyed. But that was the only way that I could endure so much suffering, by constantly pouring it out to God.
The mistress never knew that she was being used to dissolve a family and even to this day, I am sure that she does not know that he has been married all along. But God promised me from the beginning that the truth would come out and the wrongs would be righted.
During the past 8 years since he walked out the door, we stayed married, while he was living with another woman. God showed me that He did not plan for us to divorce all of this time because He had reasons that were higher than mine. He promised that everything would become beautiful in the end.
Due to the very delicate details of our situation, being married has served as a form of protection for me and my kids all through this and in time I will explain that.
Over this past week, a lot of things that had been buried began to come out. There have been so many fears that I have had to trust God through and many times I felt like I was sinking because of all of the pressures all around me. God has been such a good friend and has been reminding me of His promises to help me stay strong.
My ex finally decided to start going through the process of divorce and from what I know, he is already engaged to be married. Our court meetings are scheduled for next week.
I have promises from God for this time and that has been the only anchor that has been holding me up. I had to fight so many tears today, because going through all of this Soap opera stuff on top of being pressed for our financial promises each day has been overwhelming. There were very solid things that God promised me and at the same time, there have been very unexpected things coming to the surface.
Yet facing these fears is how I am able to see that God can be trusted and how loyal His love is. There was something that I had to do this week that involved some really scary people, but to my surprise, God protected us. Instead of having anything to fear, I was given tremendous favor.
I have been wondering if I would share this openly with you and as I have prayed about it, I can see that this is an important element to the next phase of my story. I would greatly value your prayers, as I head into this long-awaited ending, while also continuing to trust God to hold us up in His promises through this journey.
No amount of water can quench love; a raging flood cannot drown it out.