I wasn’t even sure if I would post a new update, because I was only able to get a quick moment to catch my breath. I posted in my last update that I was believing in a miracle and that God would show up like He promised to cover our room.
He did exactly that and I was able to extend our place, but only for 3 days. So here I am again, exactly in the same situation that I was in before, praying and hoping for a miracle to come through before our scheduled check out on Friday morning.
I was getting really frustrated about having to go through this same situation over and over for the past several weeks. But then the Lord showed me that He was building up my confidence in Him through the repetitive pattern of being saved from my fears and problems.
I am probably one of the weakest people that there to be able to trust, because of my lifelong background of being abused and betrayed. I guess that is just another weakness where God can show Himself strong in my life.
Weakness is the perfect conduit for God’s love to pour out and become tangible. The weaker you are in an area, the more you will be honored and blessed through that weakness, as God’s glory shines through it.
I used to be criticized for flowing in ministry, with such weaknesses, but that is what gives God the most glory. It is not special or even helpful to others if it does not display the all-powerful love of Jesus manifesting through our personal flaws, failures, and weaknesses.
Even when I was little, I stayed alone in my room and I pretended that all of the 74 dolls on my bed (exaggeration lol) were my friends. I had no one that I could trust and I will spare you the really disgusting details about why that was.
I would go outside first thing in the morning to talk to the birds and I made the trees come to life in my imagination so that they could be my friends too. The only “people” that I could trust in my life were those that I invented because they were safe.
But little did I know that God was always by my side, comforting me every step of the way. So for me to trust God or anyone to keep their promise to me is not easy at all. So the Lord has had me go through the opposite conditions of what He promised so that He could be my Hero to save me time after time.
The more that He saves me and I experience His loyal love again and again, the more I begin to believe and trust. I am at a point in my life, where trust has to be earned for me to really put my guard down. Even those who promised to always be there, many had turned away.
Now, instead of spending my time talking to my dolls, and the tree and birds, I spend my time with the Holy Spirit. He has been my best friend and He has been teaching me how to heal from the mental afflictions of anxiety and depression.
What I have noticed is that for every single fear and problem in my life–God has given me a personal promise of the opposite thing coming to pass. And lately, things have gotten really chaotic with many situations and storms swirling around me.
At the same time as having to deal with all of the other threatening situations, I have stood here facing my worst fear of becoming homeless. And yet I also have a promise for that. This really is all about God showing His intentional love and me letting go of all of those fears and falling into His loving arms.
Just as before, I have only two days for a miracle to happen. Just as before, I cannot see any possible way that I could cover the room. But, just as before, I am clinging to God’s promise to rescue us, just like He said that He would.
Even though walking through this time of being low to the ground in constant surrender and being buried in the dirt with excessive troubles, I am a little more confident now than I was before. Last time, by the time I was only two days to my deadline, I was sobbing and begging God to make it all stop.
Now I am just watching to see what God will do. I may end up breaking down, just like before, from the pressure. But this time, it is a little less difficult. I have gotten so used to God saving me, that I have started to really depend on His ever-present love and promise.
I believe it is that total dependence on His presence that causes miracles to happen. I had a dream the other night that I was with Jesus and He had a green t-shirt on that said, “because anything can happen”. Then today He showed me a metal spring and it reminded me of a jack-in-the-box.
I had a prophetic inner knowing that God would deliver a surprise to save us, just as before. Hopefully, these confidence-building faith exercises can end for a while, because I am really ready for some much-needed time to settle down and catch my breath.
Thanks to those of you who have stuck around and given unconditional and non-judgemental love during this journey. That gives me hope and confidence too. Love y’all so much and I pray you are exceedingly blessed today!