There was a strange twist that happened this week and it was unlike anything that ever happened before. All of this time. I hid my weakness from the company that I had been renting from. I tried to make them think that I was rich and working on a business trip. I was not doing that to be deceitful, but because I was embarrassed about my situation.
In my mind, I thought that if they didn’t know my lowly condition, that they would respect us and let us stay. But this week, I was in a pinch and I was praying about how to handle the next steps forward.
God came through very miraculously with the money that I needed to cover my room this week. I was just a little bit short to cover what the normal fees were. After some prayer, I decided to humble myself and be open to reveal my weakness to the person that I book with.
Then what happened took me completely by surprise. God’s love and compassion were shown to me through them. All of this time, I had always been in control of what room we would take and for how long (so I could control the pricing, etc).
But this time, it felt like I was a baby who was picked up and carried. They started to take over. They told me where I would be staying and instead of using the normal pricing, they matched the price to what I had. Then they told me that they would get me to a place soon where we could rest from having to move around.
Instead of me having to search with panic for where to go next, the company started to take care of me and manage what room I can have and for how long. I felt so much relief like God was taking care of us in a way that I had never known before.
In a dream the other night, I actually saw Jesus carrying me, like a baby close to His heart. He carried me through the dangerous areas and gave me protection from all that was around me. It is an odd feeling to be taken care of and it gives my heart such a bubbling sense of relief and comfort.
I learned that hiding our weaknesses is not always the best way to allow God to help. His power is manifested through our weaknesses, so we should not be ashamed of our places of need.
God has been so amazing at coming through to cover our rooms these past few weeks. I have never felt so on the edge of danger and yet so relieved with constant miracles of being rescued.
But I will share with you that I have a weakness (need) that has been causing me to worry and I need to give it to God and humble myself to share it with you. In all of the room rescues, there are other needs that have been building and it has felt like I was being buried alive with bills, etc.
I received a “final” notice to pay my mailbox or it would be canceled. One thing that most people don’t have to worry about is a place to receive mail, but when you don’t have a home, then you don’t have a mailbox. So my mailbox is really important to me and I am praying/asking for help.
I also have food, laundry, toiletry needs, etc. (and my shoes finally gave up on me yesterday) But I have to believe that God sees and He is already making plans to rescue us again. The next letter that He is beginning to pour out of me is so beautiful and I am already being comforted with the words of relief that are on the horizon.
Eventually, this weakness will be a place of honor instead of embarrassment. Eventually, the place of suffering will transform into an oasis of blessing. This whole experience has been so humbling and lately, God has been asking me to be very transparent to reveal the difficult and ugly places of my life, so that His love could shine through.
Here’s to another week of being rescued in a way that I never thought possible. I am sure that next week will not disappoint me or let me down either. If I am gaining anything through walking through this low part of life, it is that God is all present and that He can be trusted to be there to help.
I have a newfound awareness of His presence that I never felt before. He has been here comforting me when I have been buried in tears and sorrow. Sometimes when I pray for a need, He shows up within that same hour. He has been my best friend to lean on and my life support.
I have never felt so close to Jesus in all of my life, so I have to say that trekking through this hardship is worth it, because His presence is so close and tangible–unlike anything I have known before. I won’t always be known or remembered for my needs or lowliness in life. God has promised that I will be one who bends down to help those who end up walking through this kind of situation too.
My place of suffering will become the place where I am the most blessed, and that is a promise for you as well. The area where you hurt or struggle the most is the place where God will set you up high and bless you above and beyond all that you could ever hope or imagine. Our weakness is a portal for the manifested glory of God. So maybe this is not even a weakness, but a meeting place with God. 💙
Love you and bless you so much!