The Lord took me into this vision about a week ago. In the vision, I was thrown down from a high place and I hit the ground so extremely hard. After a few seconds of feeling like I had the wind knocked out of me, I pulled out a checklist and crossed the pain of that moment off as something that needed to be done.
In the vision, it was explained to me that the pain from that experience was part of the process involved with letting go and finally “dying” to fears, worries, and doubts.
I pondered it for a while and eventually let it go. But then last night it happened. I had been under the impression that we would be able to extend our room and that God would give us the time to catch our breath. I looked at the availability of where we stay and someone had reserved our room.
I was so hurt. No, I was beyond hurt. I felt (and feel now) so totally broken. The thought of having to move again seems unbearable. Not because of me, but because I have been clinging with total fear that we could stay, so that it didn’t have to hurt the kids.
As a matter of fact, most of my pain and worries have been for them and my stress in wanting to protect them from getting hurt. But it was like I was holding onto something that was hurting me. The tighter I held it, the more it would hurt and the fear that I had would only get worse.
Last night I cried myself to sleep, after spending hours on the app, looking for a place that I could afford to go. This time of year is really hard here because of the seasonal travelers, so things are crazy. Even the crappy little hotels are a joke.
But after I finally fell asleep last night, I met Jesus in my dreams. He told me where to go and how long it would be. That gave me peace because it comforts me that He always goes before us and has a plan.
The problem that I am facing today is that what I have and what I need to follow where God is leading me is not enough (at least it seems) and I am still a little bit short. But where God takes us, He has always provided for us, so I will keep looking for Him to show up.
I have been crying all day and it feels like my heart is crushed. But it has led me to a place, where I can no longer handle the pain of holding onto my burdens, fears, and worries. I need Jesus to lift this burden off of me because it is crushing my soul. I need to let go and just trust God to be a really good Dad to us all.
I can no longer handle the pain of thinking about the “worst-case scenario”. God has shown such a great relief and place of comfort, but I have struggled with doubt and I found myself looking into “backup plans”.
The problem with a backup plan is that it is the windy road of doubt that only gets darker with fear and trouble. That is why the thing He tells me the most is 2 Peter 5:7,
“ Pour out all your worries and stress upon him and leave them there, for he always tenderly cares for you”.
The best thing that I can be right now is a mom who is resting in Jesus and allowing Him to carry us all. I am turning this over to God because I cannot handle the pain of holding on to the worries any longer. Sometimes the only way to escape the pressure of the fiery trials is to fall into His arms.
So I am letting go today because it hurts too much to hold on. I am going to ask Jesus to show up with what we need to go where He has revealed and trust that His plans will not fail. There have been so many pressures coming at me from all different directions and I need to let it all go to Him and unburden myself from the fires.
It reminds me of when I was little and I put my arm on the hot burner of the stove. My skin melted off and I was burned really bad. As soon as I felt the fire, I instinctively pulled my hand back. Pain is not always bad. Sometimes it is an indicator of a problem and if I had not felt the burning, I would have not known to pull my hand out of the flame.
In an encounter that Joseph Prince had from his book “Live the Let-Go Life”, God revealed to him that when people let go of their prayers, fears, worries, troubles, etc..to God, then angels suddenly begin to work miracles for those people in the invisible realm. But when people continued to hold on, then it was blocking those things from being done. Something powerful happens when we come into complete rest in God and give Him all of our cares
That is where I am now. I know that holding onto these burdens is hurting me and them. I need to let go and release it all to God. Resting in God’s word is our most prophetic act of faith and our most powerful weapon.
It is also one of the hardest faith exercises to master and requires the most discipline. It is easy to hold on to what we fear and the pain that accompanies those fears. The real test of faith is having the courage to let go and trust God.
Love so much, Dannette