It’s the night before I have to make a very big decision and I have felt so unsettled and anxious because the Lord has been showing me that I will be at a turning point and I will have to make a choice of whether to take the easy road or trust His leading by faith.
Honestly, I have been fighting it all day. I know that He is going to open up a way for us and I will have to choose whether or not I take the trust fall of faith. That scares me because it looks completely impossible to survive like this. I have to decide if I will trust Him and follow His path or if I will shrink back in fear and do things my own way.
He has been talking to me about Esther and how she won the favor of the king. All of those women were selected to appeal to the king to be chosen as his bride. They were all given access to all of the finest jewels and beautiful garments of the kingdom.
Instead of being greedy or doing things the way that she wanted, she trusted in Hegai’s selection because he knew the king personally and he was faithfully on her side. He wanted the best for her!
“Esther found favor with everyone she met, including Hegai, the man in charge of preparing the women to meet the king. Although she was permitted to take any jewelry and accessories from the King’s palace, she followed what was suggested by Hegai” (Esther 2:8-15).
By allowing herself to trust in the one who had her best intentions in mind, she was found to be more appealing to the king than any of the other women. She was the most beautiful to him and the king was captivated by her allure.
“The King was attracted to Esther more than to any of the other women, and she won his favor and approval more than any of the other virgins. So he set a royal crown on her head, and made her queen instead of Vashti.” (Esther 2:17).
It is trust and obedience that bring the tangible beauty of our hopes to life. We have to come to a point where we decide whether or not we will risk it all to choose Jesus over everything in our life. Choosing Jesus also includes choosing His promises AND His abundance over our limited mindsets and doubts.
But it comes with the cost of trust. It comes with the cost of stepping through the fear and discomfort and trusting Him to catch us when we start falling helplessly toward the ground.
That is where I am tonight. I feel like I am standing on the edge of the cliff and I want stability and comfort in a desperate way and I have already received it through His promise–even though I can’t see it with my eyes.
Living by faith is terrifying and I am just longing–completely aching to be able to settle somewhere and not have to trust in an unseen promise.
But I cannot be saved and caught in His loving arms if I am not willing to let go of the ledge of fear that I am clinging to. I have been pushed into this place. When we first started this whole journey of living on no income and having no home–only a vow from God, it wasn’t my choice.
I was NOT brave, I had no other choice but to grab Jesus’s hand. (Read our story here: https://www.diamondsfromthedust.com/our-story/) God told my mom to kick us out of the nest and He gave her a vision of me flying on His support, like an eagle. She told me to go and she had to obey God too. I was so mad at her for so long, but now I see that it probably killed her inside to kick me out with no place to go, no income, and no one to help me.
I feel so bad because I never saw it from God’s perspective. But I know that without faith, it is impossible to please God and we must believe that He will reward those who come seeking His help by faith. Those who never made it to the promised land, it has been and it is now, that they chose disobedience over faith.
“So if God prepared a place of rest, and those who were given the good news didn’t enter because they chose disobedience over faith, then it remains open for us to enter”. Hebrews 4:6
The part that drives me crazy is I know that I will follow Him and do what He asks me to do, but I am scared. My flesh wants to run away and build a hut on the beach and never look back. I have to tell my heart to be still and trust Him, “He will not fail you”. But I desperately want to be over with this.
I always loved Queen Esther’s story and how courageous and beautiful she was. Maybe this is the moment. The moment when I need to let go and allow Him to raise me up into my royal position. And maybe this call is not going out to just me…
I sense that God has been moving through many hearts tonight, preparing them for the chance of a lifetime, to see His glory unveiled. Even though my heart is quivering with fear and discomfort, my answer to Jesus is, “Yes. If I die, I die. I am desperately devoted to you–where else can I go?”.
With love, Dannette