I eventually mustered up the courage to go to the salon, as I wrote about in the post, Identity Test. Sadly, the outcome left the beautician and myself mortified. Although it was a simple procedure, my hair started to fall out like crazy. Completely, unashamed, the girl tried to hide it from me and told me that I should never color my hair again or go to a salon.
However, I can see that this is all part of a staircase that leads up to something big. God always promised that there would be an immense blessing for every ounce of pain and discomfort. Those who sow in tears will always reap a harvest of beauty.
Before I finally took the leap of faith to get my hair done, I had a week-long series of prophetic dreams about the future days. The Lord showed me that illness that has been silently spreading would cause my hair to begin falling out in massive amounts. In those prophetic downloads, He also showed me His plans for rescuing me from that attack and from being ‘unhelped’ by the medical community.
For weeks, I have been experiencing “symptoms” that have made it so hard to do anything, even eat. I tried to reach out to my doctor, only to be treated like I was crazy again. I saw the labs for myself and it was so obvious to me, that things were happening just like God had said. I felt so discouraged because I realized that aside from God, there was no one on my side to help with this. I will explain more about it soon, I hope.
As if that was not enough, I have the biggest mountain before me next week that pertains to being able to stay in our room and my only hope is for God to fulfill His word to me.
It has felt like the whole world was against me and within the past 24 hours, I realized that Jesus is my only hope. His word is my literal lifeline right now. It is all coming into place just the way He wanted it to be too. I believe with all of my heart that when God becomes our ‘everything’ that everything will begin to change.
Before having the trauma at the hair salon, He showed me that He would be my doctor and lawyer and that I needed to stay faithful to Him and follow His advice.
In the spinning situations all happening at once and in the place of becoming helpless, He has stepped in to be my everything. He gave me a promise that He would rescue me and I have stepped into a point in my life, where I realize that He is on my side and that He will be my rescue.
I cried so much last night and I prayed, “God, I have no one on my side. Come and be my hero, just like you said”. Ironically, I dreamed last night that I was having a wedding with Jesus and if I could put it into words, it went like this:
I will keep My promise and make you Mine,
and you will acknowledge Me as Lord.
At that time I will answer the prayers of My people Israel,
I will make rain fall on the earth,
and the earth will produce grain and grapes and olives.
I will establish My people in the land and make them prosper.
I will show love to those who were called “Unloved,”
and to those who were called “Not-My-People”
I will say, “You are My people,”
and they will answer, “You are our God.”
I just keep falling apart in rivers of tears because I had the realization that the only reason that I am not living homeless in the woods right now is because of the promise from God and the true followers of His heart. And it was not like I was some super strong hero of faith, it was because I was left to die and helpless with no other options but to cry out to Him.
He loves to pick up those that society throws away and seat them in the highest places with Him. It is not because of who I am, it is because of who He is, and that makes my heart melt under the warmth of His loving-kindness.
I had nobody and He has given us food and shelter for well over 3 years. I had no way to survive and my situation is really uncommon and strange, so I could not do things the way that the carnal Christians judge that everyone should.
He saved us and not only did He save us, but He has treasured and protected my kids. That is the most valuable treasure that I have on this earth and the most delicate place in my heart and Jesus has carried my babies with so much tenderness and compassion.
I don’t have the words to express my gratitude to Him and to those of you who have been the help of Jesus to us. If it were not for His love and His love being extended through you, we would never make it.
And now, I am changing my heart to officially make Jesus my everything. He is my doctor, my protector, my home, my lawyer, my husband, and my closest friend to have and to hold. I am done looking for a “hero doctor” to see what God sees and to save me from death. I am ready to see how Jesus shows up to be my Ever-Present help in this very desperate time.
God bless you and thanks for reading this page from my heart.
Love to you and yours,