Something came unexpectedly and I was met by a heavy heart and worry when threatened by a terrifying situation. Grief melted down my face when I looked at the fears that were projecting a different outcome than what God had promised.
Circumstances threatened horrible things, like being hunted by a lioness who was hungry and showing her fangs. I was in the twilight of anguish when I imagined how horrible it would be if any of these events turned out bad.
In an instant, my life felt like it was spinning into a nightmare and I wept for days, non-stop with a broken heart. I cried to God in the depths of my sorrow, begging for His help.
It was easier to hold my breath than to breathe because I was scared of what the next threat would be. I wanted the day to finally end but I also dreaded the next one to begin.
I was caught in a whirlwind of fear and buried under the pressure of unbearable thoughts. I was hoping it was all a bad dream as I waited to exhale with relief. I thought that maybe if I closed my eyes, it would all be over and I would finally be on the other side…
I was being pursued and attacked in the very place of my weakness, and yet it was the same place where God had given me a promise of His support. Then I was taken into a vision from God and He showed me a lioness that was seeking to destroy me. She growled from a distance and before I realized it, she was standing right in front of my eyes.
I was helpless and out of time. There was no way to save myself from being devoured. But then, a pack of fierce and good lions with majestic manes surrounded me and they hid me in their presence. I heard the Lord say, “you are surrounded in My protection”.
For more than 3 weeks, I barely slept through the night because of the unstable feeling that I felt inside. I felt like I was on the top of a skyscraper that was swaying side to side from the turbulent winds that were outside. I cannot explain exactly just yet, but the Lord has shown me that I will be writing a very personal book about the events that I am currently in.
I felt so afraid and I had to spend all of my focus and strength remembering all of the promises that God made to me about my situation. I felt ashamed for not having my own home like everyone else, and that was the very place where I was facing the most attack.
But then I realized that I am blessed because before we left on this journey of faith wandering, the Father told me that, “I will be your home”. He has taken us from the ends of the earth to where we are now and never once has He let us down.
There have been times when it felt like we barely survived and it seemed like we only made it by in a moment’s time. God is our home and so it has been mobile. He has provided us shelter in every season and in different places, just like the little birds.
Lately, I imagine the desired destination that He promised us, of having a home of our very own. I see myself laying on the carpet, weeping with gratitude that many on this earth will never know. Everywhere I look, people have homes and yet they do not even know how amazingly blessed they are to feel that security.
In the meantime, God is our refuge and I am no longer going to feel scared or ashamed by the path that He has given us to travel. It has been painful and scary as I have been shedding the weight of all of my fears. But if I had never walked through this wilderness, I would have never known this intimate closeness with God.
Somehow our place of warfare is the place of blessings. It is in that place where we wrestle all night, holding onto the dearness of His promise with all of our strength. Just when you think, you can’t survive another moment of only faith—the sun begins to rise.
The clouds suddenly part and you see the glory of His plan all along. And what you thought would be a nightmare, turns out to be the greatest and most joyful moment of your life. Because after you have walked through the dark night of the soul, you are met with the comfort of Jesus bringing His word to pass–and you walk into the rainbow hand in hand.
The opposing winds that you once despised are transformed into the place where you see the intentional love of His hand. His love awakens you with a kiss and you find out that the fears were all a lie. As much as it hurt to walk through the opposition, you no longer despise it or want to take it back. It was all part of the beauty of learning to trust His ever-present help because sometimes blessings are found in the storm.
Keep holding on, it gets better.
Love to you and yours,