I have not liked roller coasters since I was a child. I also don’t like watching action-adventure, crime, horror, or drama movies (and shows) because it stresses me out. I am more for the lazy-river rides and I prefer happy movies that indulge my inner child with faith and wonder.
I also do not like the present season that I have been riding out. It has been like a roller coaster and it has had my adrenaline pumping non-stop. I have felt like a flower whose bloom has bowed low with tears rolling down, just begging God to make it all stop.
There have been a series of prophetic events unraveling that God has prepared me for a long time ago with promises of a good outcome but it has been like a turbulent storm before the rainbow appears.
I always thought about those promises and they were a treasure to my heart. But as I have started to walk through this time, it has felt like a roller coaster of facing the biggest fears of my life and facing fears hurts.
Even this past week, there were several attacks and pressures that came at me from someone under an evil influence and it has felt like I was dealing with a real-life Haman.
As I faced these fears, I felt like Esther, surrendering, risking her life for the sake of trusting in God and saying “if I die, I die”. I had to carry not only my worst fears but the worst fears of my kids and place them in surrender.
It has been so scary to walk through these life-threatening situations (and on top of walking through the financial promises too, ugh). I could always feel when something was about to happen.
During that time, it was like the slow ride up a roller coaster, with my heart beating out of my chest. During that time, is when the fears were the worst. I was unable to find comfort in doing anything that I normally liked to do and I would often curl up in the closet and cry to Jesus, while reciting His promises over and over.
God promised that if anyone would attack me, that they would fall for my sake. (that is a promise to all who trust Him). That is exactly what happened too. As an event would start to happen, it was like that sudden drop of a roller coaster and I could feel my stomach flip over with fear. But then in the heat of the moment, God would send us a love rescue to fill my lungs with the ability to breathe again.
A real-life love rescue from God is a much better rush than any drug could ever offer. In an instant moment, I went from feeling like I would have a heart attack from fear to feeling the joy of relief that was beyond euphoric. After the love rescue, I felt safe and my heart opened more to trusting in God.
The thing about roller coasters is people actually pay money to go through that rush of adrenalin. It has been scientifically proven that being on a roller coaster causes a positive form of stress that helps people with asthma breathe easier.
I felt that too after God rescued us from those evil plots. I went from crying in the closet from the unbearable pain from fear to being immersed in so much intentional love from God that I couldn’t keep my feet on the ground.
As much as I detest going through being uncomfortable and the pressure of facing my fears, it is in that pressure that we use our faith to cause God’s promise to become tangible. It is like striking a match with pressure against that situation that opposes us and seeing His love become the vehement flame that saves us over and over again.
During this time, Jesus keeps telling me to let go of all that I fear and those things that I worry about and to fall into His love. Somehow when we roll worries and fears over in our mind, it gives a sense of control–like having false security of some sort.
But when we will let go and finally ‘die’ to the thought of fear, negativity, and doubt, then we are able to fly under the powerful love of Jesus to hold us up. There is no limit to how high we can fly with Him. It all comes down to what we are willing to trust Him to be for us.
Like Abraham, I have to trust Him to take care of my kids as I lay those fears on the altar of my heart. Hopefully, this ride will come to a stop soon and I will be able to get off. But until then, as least I am discovering for myself the intimate love rescue of God, as He delivers me from every attack and fearful situation.
I guess that is the beauty of being pressed like a diamond to bring out the promise. But for the record, I still don’t like roller coasters or going through the intense heart-pounding action. I just keep closing my eyes and imagining that I am on the other side of the rainbow and things are just like God promised.
I suppose like others who survived terrifying events and were eventually grateful for what they endured. I trust that someday I will be thankful for this roller coaster ride because the only way to really, truly know if you can trust Jesus to catch you is to go through it, even if it is jaw-clenching and uncomfortable before the rush of His love rescue shows up.