I spent many, many years in an abusive relationship. The manipulation and control were suffocating and it often left me unable to breathe normally. He would spend hours filling my head with lies and emotionally beating me down with all sorts of verbal abuse. I was trapped and somehow I convinced myself that I was in love, as a way to cope with a very horrible situation.
One day the abuse was too much and I went into the shower to cry under the sound of the running water. I had so many tears pouring out of my eyes that I couldn’t even see. My whole body was shaking in desperation for freedom.
I didn’t really know for sure if God was really listening to me back then and I cried to Him, “God, if you can hear me, even out of all of the people crying to you right now, then please–take him or change him–because I can’t handle this anymore”.
Like Hannah pouring out the bitterness of her soul, I poured out that unbearable pain to God. After I finished, I moved on with my life and basically forgot about that moment that I had cried out to God. About a month later, I had an unforgettable encounter with the Father.
I heard His voice so audibly, and it thundered through every fiber of my being. He gave a very detailed plan that He had for me to be free from the abuse and I was flooded with prophetic promises of how God’s plan would unfold.
For several months following that encounter, I was flooded with visions and I heard more from God audibly to confirm it into my soul, like an anchor to hold me together.
After a few years, the Lord removed him from me and I began to know God in a way that I have always dreamed to know Him. I have been learning to lean on Jesus as my husband and soul support. I have been learning to lean on Jesus as my protection from this man until the prophetic promise comes to pass.
Sometimes when we are in a situation that is traumatizing to the soul, the effects of the abuse do not show up until long after the event. When I wrote the love letter, “Made Just for You”, it came during a time when scary things started to happen with that abusive man.
Lately, I have been experiencing extreme panic and anxiety every time that man contacts me and he has been making threats that contradict the promises that God has given me about our situation.
Yet in the presence of the fear, Jesus has been showing me how to heal by using a technique of changing how I feel. Anytime that I feel fear about that situation or when the threats come blowing through again, this is what God has been teaching me to do…
He shows me to close my eyes and find the peaceful streams of His promise. I imagine that the promise has occurred and how it feels to breathe the freedom from that torment. Fear is literally tormenting, but when we change our focus on God’s promises to us, that fear is replaced with gratitude.
Yesterday, I had a dental appointment and I had to get a ton of work done. I had 2 teeth removed and 2 fillings. Before and during the process, my heart was racing so fast that I thought I might die. But the dentist was so happy and calm, that it helped me relax. He could see my distress and He helped me to calm my breathing.
Before the dentist pulled my tooth out, he said, “Okay Dannette, you are going to hear a lot of scary noises, but it won’t hurt” That is exactly what happened. I heard so many terrifying noises, but I never once had any pain that entire time. It was fear.
That is how deliverance is too. We may experience fearful emotions, as God pulls out the toxic things that have been hurting us, but the love of God is all we will experience and none of those fears can ever hurt us. Sometimes healing looks worse before it looks better.
In a way, love hurts, because love confronts fear. In order to be flooded with the love of God, the fears must be displaced. The manifestation of fearful thoughts is what hurts, but God protects us and gives us the opposite of our fears as the outcome.
This past season, I have been going through some major deliverance of fears, but through the torment of “feeling” those fears, I have been encountering the truly intentional love of God and it has been making me trust Him even more than ever before.
Because as I lean into His promise with all-abandoned trust, His love brings the fulfillment of those words, and the places where we once felt fear, are saturated with love instead.
During this entire time of living the “hotel life” of supernatural support, God has never allowed me to experience anything bad, fearful, or painful. The only suffering has been when my faith was under pressure and I had to trust God to honor His words and send help. When God allows that rescue to come at the last minute, it can be very painful to face those fears of doubt that rise up, like gold being purified.
Like Cinderella dreaming of her prince to come, sometimes the easiest way to get through those fears that come at us with loud noises, but without harm, is to use our faith to imagine that the promise has been done. It is by dreaming of His fulfilled promise that we are able to access instant pain relief from those fears that cause mental pain.
As much as I want to beg God to stop taking me through the faith-building exercise of facing my fears, it has been bringing me freedom and tangible love. Because when the enemy comes against us, the Lord lifts us up with even more blessings.
Somehow the best blessings of our life come right after those kinds of attacks because no weapon formed against us will ever hurt and fear has no power to hurt us unless we allow it through agreement. The more we are attacked, the more we are increased, because that is the spiritual law of a blessing. Nothing can curse what God has blessed, so we end up with even more, as God delivers personal justice.
I am so thankful that God has such a kind and intentional love to make us beautiful prophetic promises about what is to come. Although that abusive man from my past can make threats and plans, like causing me to hear “scary noises”, I can rest in the intentional love promised from God. Man can make his plans, but the Lord’s purpose will always be done.
“The grass withers, the flower fades; nothing lasts except the word of our God. It will stand forever” Isaiah 40