About 2 weeks ago we moved to where God showed us to go by faith to trust what He promised. He gave us enough to get started but He said that the rest of what we needed would show up after we moved.
For these two weeks, I have felt like I could not breathe because of the weight of what we needed to come up with in order for us to stay. For days, I have been doing “faith laps” in my mind, trying o encourage myself to trust Jesus to be faithful to His promise to hold us up with His support.
During this time, my faith has been stretched beyond what I have found to be comfortable and I have been crying almost daily to God to deliver upon His promise. The deadline has been getting too close for comfort and the stretching is getting intensely uncomfortable to manage.
The tension during this time of waiting has felt like having a super tight belt around my waist and no matter what I do, I cannot release it on my own. All of my dependence has been on the faithfulness of Jesus and things have been so quiet that it is scary.
I have to tell myself that Jesus will never forget me. I have to tell myself that Jesus will always remember His vows. I have been talking myself in circles, trying to get through the fears that are being pulled out and released during this faith-stretching.
To abide and rest in His promise, is like settling into a position of deep rest and it is way more difficult than it sounds when under intense pressure. When the pressure is present, then we know that we are being stretched to bring out the tangible beauty of His words.
I have been crying to Jesus to rescue us with tears pouring out of my eyes as if He was not here. Yet He is the head of the bride and He is connected to every detail of our lives.
Jesus gave us a promise about this time, but in my own worries, I let myself get drawn away with the fears of what seemed to be lacking. The fears are horrible because the “what ifs” of what would happen if He forgot to deliver His promise in our time of need–that would be devastating.
He promised a love rescue to help us to be able to stay in this place. He said that we could trust Him to take care of us. He said that the past days that I fear re-occurring are over.
I must remember, “…for God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves” John 3:18
And now I am at the place of stretching, like a ballerina before a beautiful dance. I never knew that the stillness of trusting would be the hardest position of my faith. Although it can be very uncomfortable at times, stretching is important for growing our faith.
Stretching helps strengthen our muscles and keeps us flexible. If we don’t stretch our muscles, they can weaken and lack the ability to fully extend. Stretching protects against injuries and releases the subtle tensions that we tend to be holding unknowingly.
Even though I want to fight, resist, and squirm away from the stretching, I believe that I will be thankful that I went through it when it is over. Faith must be exercised and stretched. In order to be able to hold the vastness of all that God has promised us, we need to have our faith stretched to make room for it all.
I do believe that after this is all over, that the deep stretching will bring me deeper into trusting His promise to never forget what we need and when we need it. Just a few more deep breaths and then (hopefully soon) the exhale of relief from tension.