The past few weeks have been insanely different and bursting with change. After over 3 years of the Lord giving us refuge from His promise in a hotel, He asked me to take His hand and trust Him with something entirely different.
I followed His instructions and He took us to a place that we pay for just like a hotel but it is in a setting of being an apartment home that belongs to a travel company.
The payments are still similar, but the entire scene changed. The Lord told me that it was for our protection and to bless us with some much-needed comforts.
Each of us, for the first time in a very long time, has a private room and a bed. There is a real kitchen and I cried when I could finally make something that reminded me of our past home.
I don’t know how long it will be, maybe only a few weeks, or hopefully more. However, at this time that I should be so happy, it has been breaking my heart. I was so scared to trust God to go here for many reasons. One obvious reason was I have had my faith challenged intensely to trust Him to support us, just like He always said.
I have also been battling the fear of not knowing how we can ever leave this kind of comfort again. Sometimes I wish we stayed in the dumpy little place where we were because the risk of falling was not so scary. I keep having to re-direct my focus to concentrate on trusting the path that Jesus has for us and trust that He knows what will be best.
In the past weeks, I have had to press my faith against more fears than ever–aside from the beginning. I keep clinging to God’s promises to us and I try to imagine that He shows up with faithful provisions and protection.
We are in a building full of people who actually live here. I see them walk through the halls and I try not to cry. It is like wanting to have a baby for so long and being allowed to hold someone else’s while gulping back tears.
It is bitter-sweet, because now more than ever before, my heart cries for God to fulfill His promise to give us a home. The part that is the hardest is to trust what God says and not try to choose my way over His.
He showed me exactly how it would happen and I was given strict instructions on what not to do. It is a faith-test alone just to trust His plans. There is a reason for every step of this journey.
I have not felt myself in the past week because I have been trying to surrender to God’s plans and trust Him with my children all over again. On top of that, there was an abusive person from my past that was hot on my heels and I have had to cling to promises from God about all of that too. My goodness, faith under pressure is not easy.
Yet I will say that going through these different feelings and experiences has shown me something. In all of this time, God has shown each step for us to take and as the path moves into the present, I have seen Him care for us–with unwavering love.
I have stayed at places that were as low as the dirt and He has brought us up to places that practically touch the clouds with comfort. I have learned to be content in both circumstances. I never really cared so much about having money, I just wanted to believe His promise to provide, protect, and care for all of our needs.
The truth is, we have found so much delight in His plans for us in both the low-levels of living and the heights. He always takes care of us and He is the only one I can trust to hold us steady when the world around me is breaking to pieces.
The Lord had me take a trust fall to get here, at this new place. He only gave me just enough to open the door and then He told me to trust that He would send what we needed to pay for our stay. I absolutely cannot wait to have that relief! It has been intensely scary–even now more than ever.
Mostly because it would really hurt if I trusted Him to take us to this new landscape, only to have to go back to the tiny room that we came from. I think it is a test of trusting who He is for me, more than anything.
Like Abraham, his “faith-test” was to place his beloved son on the altar to God. Abraham trusted who God was for him and he knew that God would not hurt his child or break His promise. It is one thing to trust God to take care of us, but the real test is to trust Him to care for those that we love. It is not easy when it becomes a matter of life or death.
I think that “heart-work” meant more to Daddy God than anything else that Abraham could have ever done. Abraham was believing that God would show up with a lamb so that his heart was not broken to lose his precious son. God, in His loving-kindness, did even better than that–He gave Abraham a huge ram and gave him his heart desire too, by protecting the life of his son.
I am hoping that from this leap of faith and this week of unbearable faith-testing, that Papa God would also give us a ram. I also hope that He will fulfill my heart’s desire to stay here for a little while to savor it all.
I also trust that God will prepare our hearts for each twist and turn along this path of promise, just as He always has. When we had to move into “not so nice” places, everyone was just as joyful as the places that were lined with comfort–because He was with us.
For that, I can say, “Lord, I have chosen you alone as my inheritance. You are my prize, my pleasure, and my portion. I leave my destiny and its timing in your hands” Psalm 16:5 TPT.
Love you guys and thanks for reading. (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥