Many, many years ago on the date February 10, I received a birthday card that played music. I cannot remember the words on the card, but the song that the card played was “Just to see you smile” by Tim Mcgraw. My heart melted with warmth and I felt so cozy inside. Somehow, I just knew that Father God was singing that music to me that night.
There was something so comforting to me about those words, “there is nothing that I wouldn’t do–just to see you smile”. I had been given the faith at that moment to believe that was who Papa God was for me (and anyone else who would choose to believe it). A loving Dad, who would do anything to put a smile on His child’s face.
That same night, there was a change that affected me forever. My natural father passed away on the night of my birthday in the wee hours of the morning. The next day, I was frozen with grief. It felt like I was smashed by a semi-truck and I was stunned– and unable to even cry.
I carried that birthday card with me everywhere I went and I played that song over and over again. For a long time, I had associated that song with the death of my dad and after the shock of grief melted, I wept anytime that I heard it.
Over time, I came to experience Father God as my real and present Dad. I grew closer and closer to Him and He began to reveal Himself to me in ways that I never dreamed possible. His love always showed up to reverse the sorrows that I had endured.
The very next year, on my birthday, I experienced another agonizing grief of a betrayal, unlike anything I had ever suffered. I was shattered, but the strangest thing happened. In my deep anguish, I leaned into Father God for comfort. He wrapped me in His embrace and brought me through that time with even more love than what I felt was missing.
That same year for my birthday, I received another gift that I would never forget. It was a basket of all of my favorite things. It had my favorite store gift cards, perfume, candles, bubble bath, etc. It was so personal and I loved the thought of someone going out of the way to find all of the things that I loved.
Over the years, that card has been an anchor for me to get through many times of grief. He sings it over my heart so often and I always cry, but with gratitude and love. This year, another wave of grief had hit me as I made my way to this same time of year. Admittedly, I had spent the past 2 weeks in tears and depression. All I did was cry and try to run from my problems by watching cheesy Hallmark movies (lol!).
I was not alone in my little fortress of sadness. I spent time with Daddy God, leaning into His heart and unloading all of My worries into His hands. It was also a time of soul healing and cleansing from the fears that were taunting me, to prepare me for a very big change.
Just when I thought that I would spend this year’s birthday in a pool of my own sorrows, He did something unexpected to cause me to smile. Papa opened a door to go to the next place that He is taking us.
He said that it is a place of safety and comfort. Yet there is a cost to taking this path. God is asking me to take a leap of faith and then trust Him to show up with what we need to pay for it in time.
It is like flying by faith and trusting that He won’t drop us. It feels so much like the first jump of faith that He told me to take when this whole journey first started and I made the hotel reservation for 5 nights. I feel just as excited, nervous, and afraid. Especially because I am trusting the provision to show up by faith–just like the first time.
But this time I have something that I did not have back then. I have a history of seeing Him show up time and time again to cover our needs. I have a history of Him showing up, in the midst of my unbearable pain, to put a smile on my face and save the day.
I thought that I was going to spend this birthday sitting in my own self-pity and fear, but our Dad has surprised me with an open door to a new chapter and a new place to call home–until the fullness of His promised home to us appears.
I love how God will wrap us up in His comfort and love in the midst of every pain and attack. When something comes against us to swallow us with pain, Papa shows up with a greater measure of His loving comfort. Nothing can ever compete with His intentional love. 💝
Here is the link to that special song that paved memories of the Father’s love over the broken roads of pain, in a time when I needed it the most. It is a secular song and many of the words don’t line up but with just a little bit of faith, there is a heartbeat in it from Dad that says, “I’d do anything–just to see you smile”.
Love to you and looking forward to sharing this next chapter!