For the past week, I have not been myself. I would put on a “happy face” but secretly I was feeling terrible stress and sorrow. There was something that came up unexpectedly that took the wind out of my sails. It was something so deeply personal that I could not even share it. Instead, I went into a sort of depression and I wept for days non-stop.
The thing that came against me was in direct confrontation with a promise that was made to me and I had to face fears that left me aching and broken inside. I have had so many things that I have been wanting to do, but the pain just consumed me.
I know what God said about the situation, but the part that has had me terrified is what will happen during the “in-between”. My week has felt like a nightmare from all of the “what if’s” of foreboding thoughts that have been chasing me down like a vicious dog.
I have spent days praying alone with Jesus and placing myself and my loved ones in the palm of His hand. Today, I was sitting in the pit of my despair and I was worried about what was going to happen and the Lord said to me, “cut the cord”.
He gave me the understanding that when He makes a promise, that it is a place of new life, like a baby. That baby is born by His word. But the pain comes when we try to hold onto every fear or worry regarding that promise.
When a baby is born the umbilical cord is cut because after the baby is born, the blood vessels in the umbilical cord begin to close. The baby needs to be nourished in a new way as he makes his way out of the womb.
I now realize that the beginning of the promise being born can often start through pain, as the winds of change blow and the natural endings collide with the Kingdom’s beginnings.
Much of my grief this past week has been because I was holding onto everything and everyone that I was worried about. I was unknowingly holding onto the umbilical cord and resisting the changes that needed to take place for the new life to start.
The only way to be free of all of the pain and worries when the whirlwind hits and everything is being shaken is to surrender all. I didn’t realize it until now, but I have needed to surrender the fears, circumstances, and people involved to God and rest in His love and protection.
It can be hard to trust when the ones that you love more than your own life are the ones that could be affected. I have to surrender them to Him and trust that Papa loves us all enough to wrap us in His protective arms. I have to trust that His promise is true–even though the winds of opposite conditions are blowing through.
My whole life is in His hands right now and the only way that I can really know if I can trust Him to show up with His intentional love is to surrender everything to Him and take a trust fall.
I have read that it can be beneficial to take a short pause before cutting the cord. By waiting for just a moment, it is said to deliver a surge of rich oxygen-blood to the baby.
Likewise, I am going to take a little time to thoroughly surrender these heartbreaking worries to God and place those that I love in His protective love. I am going to cut the cord of attachment and let all of these fears and loved ones be placed in the Father’s hands.
This all hit me so unexpectedly and yet at the same time, I dreamt of it coming a long time ago. A 9-year-old prophecy is coming to pass before my eyes and after the storm passes, I will finally touch the rainbow of what God promised. I have seen the end of the story because the Lord gave me the prophecy of what to expect and a promise of His sovereign ending.
I have heard a quote once from somewhere that said, “suffering comes from attachment”. It made me realize that I have been way too attached to areas in my life that should be kept in the Father’s hands for safekeeping.
It is time that I cut the cord to all of the “life worries” that I have and rededicate my life to Him. It is time to take a new trust fall and then trust that Jesus will catch me, just like He always promised to do. Not because I feel like I have a life worth living, but because He is the love is my life. ❤
Thanks for reading and for being there as I poured out my heart.