I got to a place a few weeks back in my life, where I was beyond desperate for comfort and help from God. My needs seemed endless and no matter what I did, they kept getting bigger.
It got to a point where I could no longer stand the pain. That pain was trying to kill me. There were moments when I thought I wanted to die, but in reality, I just wanted the pain to stop, so that I could breathe again.
Someone who has never scraped by the low places of the earth and had to trust in only a promise from God for survival (and be obedient to His path) could never relate or understand. I felt like I had nobody in the whole wide world…no mom, no dad, no one to care.
I remember driving down the road in the pouring rain. I was in total anguish. My tears were falling so heavy that I could no longer tell what was pouring rain or what was flooding out of my eyes. 😭
I ran into my bed and buried myself in my blankets. I kept telling myself His promises to me and I begged myself not to be afraid. Then, it was like I touched a spark of faith and I had this idea flash before my eyes.
I needed to see Him. I needed to talk to Him face to face. I needed to know that I was not alone. So, I gathered up all of my faith and I used my imagination to touch the hem of His garment. By faith and imagination, I went to a little cottage in the woods.
The atmosphere was warm and cozy. There was a fireplace that made the room glow with hazy embers from the fire. It was a place of comfort, total comfort. I saw brown leather couches, that reminded me of what I had when I had my own home.
He was there, looking like the Dad that I always dreamed of having. He loved me so much and He was so kind. He was so understanding and gentle. I felt so “at home” with Him. I honestly wanted to stay there forever.
I started to tell Him about the pain that I had from my needs and the discomfort that was overwhelming by living in such a place of faith and (at the same time) an instability to my carnal mind. He wrapped His arms around me and reached for His wallet. He handed me a little bit of money and then told me that He is always there…whenever I need more.
The next day, I received the money that He gave me and it covered everything that I had I told HIm I needed. Not too long after that, I was in the same heat of need and feeling overwhelmed by the weight of it. I went back to His house (by faith) and He helped me again.
There were other occasions too. I had moments of being heartbroken and rejected. I went to His house and just lay down on His couch and wept next to Him. There were other times when I needed answers to problems that I didn’t no how to solve. I went to see Him again (by faith and imagination) and He always gave me precious words of comfort.
Sometimes I would just cry with my head on His shoulders. His presence stayed to console my tears. Every time that I went to see Him, He would tell me that He is always here and that I am not alone. Every time that I gave Him my worries or asked Him for help, the answer would always show up as a material blessing.
It is like He became the door of hope for me. In my bitter distress, He would show up to show Me that love that I always wanted and yet never received from anywhere else. I am now at a place in my life, where I just want to run to Him and be alone with Him every day.
I was just about to go see Him again, before writing this, because my heart is flooding with so many worries and so much pain. But He led me to share this confession of faith with you. There may be someone who needs to go see Him and draw near to His loving-comfort. 💙
After that, I am preparing to write a very beautiful letter that He has given me about answered prayer. This year feels like the Miracle on 34th street for me because there have been so many miracles that we need. Just like the beauty of that movie, I will see His miracle love wrap around every problem to rescue us day after day.
I hope that if anything, that this open story that I have shared may have touched your heart or stirred your faith. Maybe, it was more for me, because I needed to express my undying gratitude that I have a place where I can go and see Him.
His love is more real to me than anything I have ever known. Who would have thought, that I, who has made some of the most shameful choices in life, would be able to meet with Dad and receive His unconditional love. I can never get enough of Him and for the first time ever in my life, I don’t feel alone. Happy Holidays to you and I pray that you get a moment to meet with Him–in that special place He has for you.
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