It was ten weeks ago that I shared the blog called“Everything that could go wrong”. In that blog, I explained that the Lord showed me where He was taking us next and that He was releasing a big deposit to us to be able to move forward. I was totally crushed when the deposit that God promised me was rejected (because of a tiny little error). I cried like a baby that night because I was so close to seeing that miracle that I could touch it and then it slipped from my fingers.
In the pit of my despair, the Lord gave me a prophecy. He made a promise to me that the money would come to us but that my faith would be tested for purity in the fire of refining. He also showed me that the amount would be increased to make it worth all of the discomforts of being stretched and pulled in faith and trusting His words.
Lastly, He showed me that in the meantime, that He would send financial “refills” to get us to the promised destination. Since this all started, it has been a non-stop rollercoaster of faith and I have experienced extreme highs of believing and severe lows of disbelief that were so bad that I often deleted my blog and everything else. In the time of the unbearable lows, I often wanted to give up on everything.
It is one thing to talk about trusting God and believing His words, but it is an entirely different thing when you are standing on the verge of having no place to sleep at night and kids who are depending on you to take care of them–while you depend on Jesus. When there is no money to cover the room but all day long God sends you signs that He has you covered, there are always two choices.
One choice is to take Him at His word (even though the idea of falling is terrifying) and cast down every fearful doubt the moment that it comes. The other choice is to follow the unhealthy emotions of worry and the carnal perspective of how impossible the situation looks with all of the fears of what could go wrong.
The thing is, there are no grey areas of faith. You either believe and take the risk of losing everything while trusting Jesus to show up as an ever-present rescue, or you choose to let your circumstance and the world be what you trust and worship. I really believe that to pick up your cross and follow Jesus means to die to every doubt, every worry, every fearful emotion (and that includes sickness and poverty)–and make His words the ruler over every inch of our thoughts, will, and emotions.
It is also really easy for me to sit here and tell you this, while truthfully I have been in tears about where the next financial miracle will come from. The more I look at my situation, the more fearful I become. However, by being in this intense heat, I have discovered many ways to get through the pressing pain of having my faith tested.
One way that I have dealt with the anxieties and fears is to soak my imagination in His promise to me through an audio faith activation. I recently uploaded that activation on the DFTD store page in case anyone wanted to try this tool. It has been a lifesaver to me when I was crushed by the weight of need. I have been using it constantly and it really helps stir up the faith and open the imagination to believe in the promise of abundance. You can find that here: DFTDSTORE
Another thing that helps me work through the unsettling discomfort of “believing before seeing” when under the pressure of a crisis is to remember all of the times that God helped before. When the storms are raging, sometimes it is easy to forget how Jesus showed up to save us from the many trials that came before this one.
Therefore let me share with you what has happened in the waiting for this prophesy (aka God’s pizza delivery lol) so that I can draw up the faith that has been suffocated with worry and fear. There were several times when we were almost out of money for our room and God had someone special send us money in the mail or a donation online that was enough to refill all of our needs and it brought the most treasured comfort of relief.
There were also two times that I woke up to mysterious deposits in my account that were unexplainable and they were large enough to cover our needs and help us to do the work that God has called us to do. There are several expenses that are connected to this blog that are completely Kingdom related and every time that I need to pay for these bills to do My Kingdom work, I send my statement to the Father.
Finally, there were two times where I woke up to enough hotel reward points to cover several days for our room. I have come to realize that God can send support through many different outlets and He has taught me not to trust one over another. I have learned that I need to look to Him and that He will send His loving support through whatever outlet that He has in His heart for us.
Just looking back at how God kept His word to help us has calmed down my heart rate. It is a serious exercise to live completely out of the unseen realm when you cannot see anything happening in the natural. I have wept, I have rejoiced, I have hoped, and I have even had total panic melt-downs. But somehow the Father has assured me that this present suffering will not compare to the glory that is about to be revealed.
I have a mailing address on our website, but if you are inspired by the Holy Spirit send mail, we also have a PO box that is much quicker at the moment. It is:
PO BOX 1649
HOLLAND, MI 49422
I have often thought about how I will react when this prophecy from God is born to be finally relieved and comforted in the fulfillment. Anytime that I think about what that moment will mean for me, I cry out of happiness. So tonight, I am going to mix the tears of pain from being pressed and in desperate need with the tears of joy in the birth of this baby and the rescuing love of God.
Every time that I mix my tears of fear with tears of faith, I believe that it starts a miracle from the promise in Mark 11:24. 💔💖 If we believe that we have already received, then it is ours. But sometimes in order to believe, we have let go of all of the negative that holds us down. More than ever before, I have been giving God my fears, worries, and needs. It has been so desperate for me that I started writing in a journal so that I have some sort of “God receipt” to hold him to His promise to care for our needs lol! (1 Peter 5:7).
Hannah experienced this type of faith when she poured out her pain to God in that chapel. She did not have a journal but she released her deep grief to God in painful groans that were only understood by the Father. After she poured out her tears and bitter grief, she was filled with faith and had peace to know that God has answered her request.
One thing that I could learn from Hannah tonight is that after her lamentation, she trusted that God would answer and she rested from her trial in the fulfillment of the promise. Sometimes we just have to take a deep breath, slow our breathing, and tell ourselves that God is not forgetful and He loves us too much to let us down. The real accomplishment is when we can trust in His promise AND His timing.
Thanks for reading my ridiculous long ramblings. I appreciate your friendship. I pray that you are refreshed overnight and blessed with so much more than you can hope. May God repay your kindness to this ministry. 🙂