Before I finish up the next letter that the Holy Spirit has been teaching me, I would like to take a moment to share with you some of the personal discomforts of transformation that God has been helping me work through. Lately, the Lord has really been impressing an abundance onto me and helping me to accept it in my heart and mind.
This has been really challenging for me and I have broken down so many times with tears and anxieties. For starters, I was raised in a place of poverty thinking. There was always a focus on limits and cheapness. That mentality has been a lifelong stubborn affliction that the Lord is helping me break out of, like a butterfly breaking out of an old cocoon.
When we first started this faith walking journey it was heartbreaking for me because I had to let go of nearly everything I had to follow Jesus out of my comfort zone and to trust Him as our provider. I only ever had a promise from Him and that promise was that He had filled our bank with an abundance.
The only thing was that I could never see it in the natural. Yet just when we needed to pay for our room or food, God would send us the money through some source. It was usually a friend of Jesus with a willing heart to give and be compassionate instead of judgemental. So it has been for over 4 years, we have traveled across the country and stayed in the hotels that God leads us to and we have survived only through miracles of His provisions.
From place to place, one of the hardest things for me has been not allowing myself to be attached to anything. At the end of each season, we had to give away our clothes and start over. I have never been able to have more than 2 or 3 pairs of pants or shoes.
There have been so many things I would have loved to be able to have during the years, but I had to learn to deny myself because we always had to squeeze our whole life into one tiny vehicle. In the beginning, we were on foot or taking Ubers for the first couple of years, so we could never have more than what we could carry.
We never had anyone who could help us store things because the minute I gave up my life to follow Jesus on this trust journey, almost every person who had once been there for me (physically, family, etc), had turned away from us and I came to a place where Jesus became my family and those of you on this blog are my true family.
I will never stop thanking God for your love and acceptance of us either. I am so introverted by nature. I share on this blog out of obedience and it is really hard for me to do that. Most people know about me through these pages but there are very few who really know me deeply and that will change in time when the Lord takes me into that direction.
The Father had been preparing my heart to move again and I found myself in that familiar place of panic when I had to decide what I would lose this time so that we can have room in the car to go. After several days of feeling the nervousness of losing everything again, God blessed us with a storage unit to hold the extra things, like seasonal clothes and my favorite juicer.
This is such a relief for us and it gives us hope that God will open a door to our own home soon. It gives me excitement to know that we have a place to put things for our new home and that hope has been so needed. I miss having a home more than you even know and living this way has been far from easy. I am trusting that the Lord will reward my obedience to trust Him.
Lately, even with the storage unit, I find myself crying unexpectedly about having anything more than extreme minimalist living. I even cried yesterday because I had too many apps on my phone and it gave me anxiety because I have always had to live in a place of less, limits, and little.
As you can see an abundance is a new place that is far out of my comfort. But like most childhood dreams, the closer they get to reality, the more fearful they seem and it takes courage to enter those dreams.
Jesus has been helping me to break out of those old mindsets and to receive His abundance from the inside out. Because like a butterfly, we must shine from within before we experience the radiant change outwardly. How fitting that His promise is an abundance when my whole life has been held in the small restrictions of a cocoon pregnant with change.
I also want to share with you that it is not for greed that God has been teaching me to receive this abundant life promise. He has a plan that He has revealed to me for the future. He has plans to use us as a financial rescue to people at a time when it will look and seem impossible for a Christ-follower to survive.
I cannot say more than that, but know that what He has me going through now is for the help of those who will go through something a hundred times bigger than what I have. It has been hard but I bow in honor to Him who has my heart and soul.
I cannot help but cry when I think back to how He has saved us over and over again. For four years, I went to bed not knowing how I would survive the next day or where I would get money to cover our rooms. God was so protective and faithful to us. His promise is the only reason I am not on the streets right now and starving.
These past months the Father has been so generous and kind, but I have to fight those old fears of when I suffered facing the fears of survival. Like a butterfly, I am learning to break out of old mindsets of poverty, limitations, and suffering. Jesus has been my best friend to help me turn my thoughts around and to collect the tears when I am trembling with fear and remembering how much it hurt to walk through those faith tests.
God only knows, but before I write this next letter I wanted to share my heart with you and give a little insight to the background of the message. I wanted to honor God by showing my human side to you so that you can understand that you are not alone on your journey.
I am walking with you too. I pray that you will also become that dream that Papa put in your heart and may you fly in the highest places, like a butterfly high above the air frequencies of birds in your miracle coming true. Far above every restriction and exceeding every hopeful expectation, may you restfully experience His delight of an abundance for you as well. I love you all very much, my family in Jesus, thanks for reading!