Do you ever get a word that you really want to resist because it speaks of a difficult time? That is what happened to me, but I didn’t want to believe that we would have to go through any more of the pain of faith-testing and hardship. About a week ago the Lord visited me in a dream and He told me that the real test was if I would trust Him when I “woke up”.
He showed me that “waking up” in this instance was about becoming aware of the seriousness of a situation. I had a vision of myself waking up and I was crying immediately when I understood how bad things looked.
Then last night the Lord told me this word for word, “Abundance comes from trusting God”. That’s it. It is all about trusting Him. He also showed me that when I was about to run out of money that He would give me a little “push” until we get our next big “fill up”.
Personally I was resisting these messages when they first arrived. I had been on cloud 9 lately because God was showing me that He was going to send something big for our family to be able to transition to the next place and to pay our next month. We have to end our reservation soon and that good news was my relief about how we would survive.
The past 2 months the Lord has covered our room by a miraculous amount of provision that surprisingly was not all from donations. An unexpected blessing came and I was able to come here to where God showed me and I had paid in advance all of our needs.
Our time here is almost over and the river bed has dried up. I was super excited because I had word that another unexpected amount of provision was being given and we would be able to cover our next place and food, etc.
However, just now I found out that the deposit was not accepted and my heart fell apart. The thought of going through more faith-testing and survival is horribly painful to think about because I am so weary from this whole thing. I would have never imagined that God would take us this long and far, but who I am to take over His plans or disobey His guidance.
I sat in a doctor’s office today and I saw on the door a strange symbol that mysteriously spoke to me. It was etched in the wood grain and I clearly saw two faces weeping. As I sat contemplating it’s meaning for me, the doctor came in and terrified me with my options.
I had been in the ER a couple of weeks back because of pain and now things are starting to come out that God had shown me was hidden in my body. I had been in a fight against fear for the past two days. There have been problems with my internal organs that I will speak more about later, but I am now at the point that I cannot eat. I have been surviving on juices of fruits and vegetables and in horrible pain for many days.
Today was a double measure of suffering and bad news for me. What the Lord was showing me in my dreams was like vegetables. I didn’t want to eat it, but now that I found out these devastating things, I am glad that I have these words to hold as an anchor to keep me with hope. In the midst of the bad news I heard, the Lord said that there would be a double blessing for this trouble.
My heart is so crushed tonight and the pain I have happening in my body is not helping. I am waiting for some more tests and then I will share with you more openly about the health/healing journey and all that is happening. I was so happy to know that we were going to have the blessing of financial rest and I refuse to believe that God would let that be taken from me. After all, He has been writing on my heart about being elevated–even more.
So my hope tonight is that everything will work out in our favor and that we will not have to go back to the strenuous way of life that we had before, of pressing through the pressure to cover our needs. I appreciate your prayers. Just before I was struck with the bad news, my sweet 15-year-old daughter sent me a bible verse. It was “the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it”.