It feels like that moment of being suspended and helpless in the air. It feels like being on a roller coaster and as it begins to drop, my stomach is flipped and lifted to my chest. It is a feeling of fear that puts butterflies in my belly and I can’t help but cry when I wrestle with the anxiety over the unknown. That is where I have been today…
I just recently paid the last of what I had to cover this month and next month I have been hearing from the Lord that we will be moving onto a new place. All-day yesterday the Holy Spirit was sending me confirmation of His financial provisions that would appear to cover the next move. But when you cannot see it with your eyes or feel it with your fingers, it is only known by faith.
Even though God has been carrying us for so long now and He has not yet failed to let us fall, I have been fighting off so much fear and anxiety for Him to show up. It is a feeling of instability and yet the promise of His word is the rock that He asked us to build everything upon. To calm my worries yesterday, He gave me Isaiah 41:10 (the Message) to assure me that even though it feels like I am falling to the ground, that He is holding us up.
Don’t panic. I’m with you.
There’s no need to fear for I’m your God.
I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you.
I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.
Today I am sharing the reality of this faith walk with you without sugar-coating the experience. I have been so very afraid….even terrified. However, His promise has not failed me yet and He has held us up for so long. But when I cannot wrap my mind around how we will cover our needs for the next place, that ugly fear starts beating against my chest.
The next move for us will be unlike anything He has had us do yet and I am wrestling with the fear of change, the fear of trusting in an unseen promise to manifest, and the ghosts of my past pain trying to come back to haunt me into worrying again. There is one thing that has been like a pain reliever against the fear of falling, and that is hope.
I have been learning that when we stir ourselves up with hope, that there is an actual energy that moves with hope that is stronger than fear. Hope is like a magnet that pulls us into the destination that we desire to have. God so often uses hope to help us anchor our emotions and thoughts into His plans.
Hope is my weapon today and I am taking a deep breath and resting in hope. Before I even knew about the personal promises of God, He gave me this scripture to introduce Himself to me, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end”. (Jeremiah 29:11 KJV).
His words are the only thing that is slowing my racing heart today and as I sit here and remember these words with you, I can breathe again. I feel the hope of His heart for me calming my nerves and quieting every fear. Although I cannot see with my natural eyes how we will survive, I am choosing to put His promises over my emotions.
Sometimes all you can do when fear is like a python constricting your chest is to close your eyes, take a deep breath and exhale. As you close your eyes, you imagine God’s promises emerging like sudden snow flurries filling the sky.
Every tension of your body starts to relax and joy fills your heart, as you see His love showing up to fulfill His promises. Then, the best thing ever happens–the sigh of relief. Finally, the relief of comfort comes as you rest all of your heart in trusting that His promise has already been done. It is at that moment, that His joy is flooding us with thankfulness and the pain of fear has vanished into nothingness.
This is the only way I have survived this crazy roller coaster ride without having a flipping heart attack lol! I have to walk myself through these anxiety exercises to calm myself like a nursing baby. Thank you for taking the time to breathe again with me and also I appreciate your prayers during this change. I am anticipating to have good news to share soon. 💜
Love and blessings,
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