When it Hurts to be Real




I will be honest with you, I don’t want to write this post. I would much prefer to stay in my safe false-comfort of being alone with my feelings. However, these words are like fire in my bones and I know the Lord wants me to open my heart to you at this moment. 


When I first started this journey I was a different person. I was very critical and judgemental. I hid behind a mask of pretending I was perfect. But when the Lord asked me to leave everything and follow Him on a faith journey of miracles, I had come to a place where I started to change. 


The place where the Lord had changed me the most was coming out of my comforts. In the beginning, the Lord had me share the vulnerable situation openly on this blog and on Facebook. It was beyond humbling to be exposed in such a desperate way. There was a reason for this. The Lord was undoing the effects of witchcraft curses on me through humility. It was healing my mind and I started to walk through the deepest faith pressing of my life in order to see His promises manifest again and again. 


The rewards have been so phenomenal but the pain was and is very intense. So many of the people who read my words used my vulnerable openness as a target of accusation and assault. In fact just the other night the Lord showed me a spiritual attack of “fake” spiritual people, who were operating through Jezebel in an attempt to steal my voice. In the vision the Lord showed them to me as mean “barbie” girls, so that I could better understand. 


Almost all of them have never even known such a fiery faith pressing as the Lord has walked me through, where life or death was intensely dependant on what I would believe. I had to learn how to stay positive because it is the negative thoughts of witchcraft that try to rob the manifestation of God’s promises. The Holy Spirit always uses Bob Ross to remind me to stay positive because positivity is the opposite of witchcraft and is faith-centered and confident in God to show up. 


The most painful part of being real has been encountering the hurt from those who are not. I used to write little status’s on my Facebook and I used to be a little bit social. But lately, the pain of the mistreatment has caused me to close my mouth. With tears rolling down my face right now, I confess that I don’t even remember how to be. I only know one thing and that is the Love and Promises of the Father are my passion. 


I know that I would be utterly lost without Jesus and I have come to the decision that I will follow Him, even if the whole universe hated me. God told me that mine is a Cinderella-type story and that makes me excited because she gets her dream in the end. I am praying through the release of the pain from those mean barbie types of “elite” Christians and I am also praying that I can somehow come out of hiding and enter into the true person–the true beauty that God has always said that I am. 


To those who have stayed with me and given me grace and love, I am so thankful for you! I pray that the Father would bless your socks off for showing me that there is hope to begin again. You give me hope to see that there is still kindness, there is still love and there is real grace. I thank God for you and I thank you for seeing Jesus in this story. ❤








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