One of the lovely things about being a prophetic dreamer is that God will reveal secrets to us to serve as an anchor of hope through the storms of difficulty. I have had some seriously revealing dreams over the past several years and many of them are too delicate and intimate to share openly, that pertain to my personal story.
Sometimes walking by faith can be so frustrating when walking in the midst those who are blind of faith. Being misunderstood or attacked by unbelief can create a personal root of bitterness if not dealt with and released. I had something like that going on and the Lord led me on a little rabbit trail to pull out the poison.
The bitterness was connected to sharing those secret dreams with those who could not see and were ruled by religious blindness. Just as I revealed to you that God had shown me a stealthy attack on my health that had been hiding, like a snake in the grass, there was more than one thing that had been hiding–and for a very long time!
When I only 21 months old I died briefly from breathing complications and the diagnosis that the doctors gave was not accurate according to the mysterious revealing of the Lord. A few years ago, the Lord spoke out of nowhere to me and gave me a certain word of knowledge that revealed what the hidden condition really was.
Like Joseph with his brothers, I made the mistake of telling some of what God showed me to blind family members. By doing that, I was regarded as crazy and mocked as a liar. The slander of gossip was like venom from a snake slithering tongue. I was so angry and frustrated that no one believed me. But special encounters like that need to be handled with care and kept to oneself until the right time. The Lord told me that this is like wearing “spiritual underwear” and it protects us from an unnecessary attack.
One of the hardest parts of being prophetic is not going ahead of God and resting in His timing for the truth that He has revealed to come out. I am always looking for the door to open for God to show up and reveal openly what He has first disclosed in private. In hope that this was the time He had been preparing, I followed the leading of the Lord and applied for a position at the local hospital.
I was interviewed and accepted…depending on my health exam. As I followed the steps that were given to me, the hospital position came to a standstill after the respiratory exam. I was referred to a pulmonologist to see if I am able to breathe freely enough to handle the position.
The night before the exam, the Lord showed me that I was only about 7 months (spiritually) pregnant until this great truth came out to the surface. I knew through the Holy Spirit that it was not yet time for the vindication. The pulmonologist has not been able to see what God showed me yet, but he has released that I am unable to work at this time until further testing and treatment is done. The hospital offer came to a close and I am left waiting to see how God will move through this new open door of seeing the breathing specialist.
By following the Lord through this strange trail, many ugly things came to the surface. Some of that was anger because of the misdiagnosis. Not only am I seeing that offense negatively affect me, but I am seeing it with my children and I have been feeling angry at the injustice. The other ugly thing that emerged was bitterness…bitterness to those who behaved so nasty to me when I shared the secrets of God, just as He had revealed them
Yet I cannot be upset with them, because God did not give them the spiritual glasses to see my personal vision and revelations. Somethings are uniquely for only us. Katheryn Kuhlman once said that she had so many encounters with God that were just too precious and intimate to ever be told to another soul. As a wife to her Husband, there are some things that should remain intimately secret.
Aside from releasing the bitterness and anger that I felt and offering forgiveness and love, I had another ugly thing happening. I spent many days feeling panic and I was unable to breathe. I had become so drunk with my own bitterness that I was willing myself into problems and curses of the enemy. God promised that I am healed and healthy. Out of my own soul that needed personal cleaning, I was focusing on the wrong things. The Lord showed me to release the vengeance to Him and to go back to focusing on my blessings. Then there was one more thing to be uprooted through memory.
I was emersed with memories of being 21 months old and the fear of not being able to breathe. I remember not understanding what was happening and I was gasping for air and telling everyone that forgot how to breathe. I remember feeling like it was my fault that I couldn’t breathe and I thought I was in trouble for forgetting how to breathe. Through these memories, the Lord unearthed a wound of trauma that needed to be healed and that was the fear of not breathing. I was crying so hard in my bed, and begging God to help me. I was so afraid of not being able to breathe and I was stricken with panic over the hidden fear of death.
Holy Spirit swept in like a rushing wind to remind me that I am already healed. My promise has been given. The symptoms were lying to me. Once I was able to go back into abiding into my promises, I was able to stop thinking about being breathless. With deep inhales and the wonderful joy of believing, I was able to breathe again the pure oxygen of Papa’s love. There is a time for everything and truly each thing that He shows us will come in His time. I learned a lot and received so much freedom from soul toxins through this experience.
I know that one day He will shine a light on what really happened when I was 21 months old. What was hidden will always come to the light and every lie leads to the truth in time. In the meantime, I will follow through my obedient calling to write this blog and believe that He has supplied our needs through it, just as He promised.
Blessings and hugs,
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