Earlier this week, I heard the sweet singing of the Holy Spirit moving through the Dumbo movie again. He sang the lyrics to me, “Little one, when you play. Don’t you mind what they say. Let those eyes sparkle and shine–Never a tear–Baby of mine” After that He said “no more hiding”. I have known for a while that I was not going to be able to hide much longer.
So let me explain what I mean by ‘hiding’. The first year that the Lord took me on this nomad type journey, I followed His leading to be open on my personal Facebook page about what we were doing and very often He would motion me to ask for help.
During that year, I faced so much criticism and judgment and most of my family had turned away from me. I was the black sheep in a group of very religious minded people would couldn’t understand my vision or the crazy faith stuff I was doing.
Then there was also a group of people that I grew up with from school who all have fancy careers, big homes and take expensive vacations. Most of them have never walked with Jesus and have no understanding of true faith whatsoever.
Having to reveal my humble situation to both groups of people was unexplainably hard for me. After about a year of being open like the Lord asked me to do, I completely shut down. From then until now, I have kept quiet about our faith walk on my personal page and I put all of my focus on pouring my heart out through this blog.
After I wrote One Thing I Have Learned, I decided to take courage and try to post it on my personal page to follow the Holy Spirit’s lead. Yet after only 10 minutes, I was in tears and I deleted it. I realized how much pain I still carried from the hurt of people. I sat on my bed with big elephant tears in my eyes and I sang a line from the Frozen movie, “Reindeers are better than people, Sven why is love so hard?”.
It actually had a deeper significance with me. A while back I wrote a love letter called, Dashing through the Night. In this post, Jesus revealed Himself to me like Reindeer who would be my rescue and strength. So when I think of a Reindeer, I think of Jesus. When I sang that song, my soul just wanted to run into the arms of Jesus and never come out again. He is my safe place, where I will not get hurt.
That is why I always prefer to hide in the blog because most of you carry the heart of Jesus with love, care, and compassion. After I deleted the post, the Lord gave me this scripture and it moved my heart deeply.
And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb
and by their testimony.
And they did not love their lives so much
that they were afraid to die.
Revelation 12:11 NLT
Now the Lord is giving me a new love letter to compliment this wound and it is the Dumbo type of happy ending when doing what is different is the most beautiful thing! The humiliation changes to honor and the awkward becomes something wonderful. Most importantly the surrender and trust in God’s calling become the place of a dream come true.
To add icing to the cake, when I was looking at the Reindeer lyrics, the Lord highlighted a line that I never saw. It was the Reindeer’s reply to the song of pain, “You feel what you feel and those feelings are real. Come on, Kristoff let down your guard”.
As much as I want to run away from this calling and hide, the Lord has different plans. So sometime soon I hope to take a deep breath and step out of my comfort zone once again. Besides, God can’t give us a banquet in the presence of those who hate us if we don’t show up for dinner lol! 🙂
To send a blessing:
(Lyric Find. Betty Noyes. Baby Mine. Bourne Co. & Jonathan Groff. Reindeer(s) are better than people. Walt Disney Music Company).