I was packing away some things to prepare for where God is taking us next. I saw this little white fuzzy teddy bear that I bought last summer. I remember being so desperate for comfort, that I went to a thrift store to find myself a stuffed animal. I had not owned stuffed animals since I was a little girl. But I was so afraid and in so much anguish. I was hoping that if I had something to hold onto, that it would help me.
That was the most painful season of my life when trusting God looked terrifying. Almost every night in that season I would go to sleep not knowing how we would pay for our room in the morning. I felt so helpless and facing that fear day after day was excruciating. Every night I held this stuffed animal and cried to Jesus to show up to rescue us until I would fall asleep.
As I looked at this reminder of my greatest rescue and also my greatest pain, I realized that from the time I started to walk in this promise of God’s provision, there has been one thing that I learned more than anything. Like a roller coaster, there have been highs and lows since the day that we stepped out of our familiar comforts to follow God’s plan for us.
There have been times when He asked me to humble myself and ask for help and there have been times that He asked me to stay quiet and trust Him to show up. There have been pleasant times when He gave us what we needed early and we were able to rest easy. There have also been terrifying moments when we barely made it in time. Even at times, He seemed late to show up in my opinion, but I believe that He was just making a grand entrance to show off His inability to forget.
For over 2 years, (almost 3), I have seen one thing that has been consistent. His loving promise has been unfailing. There was work on my part, I had to believe Him and I had to trust. I had to follow His leading, even when it felt like my heart would rip apart from fear of the worst happening. Yet, He never let me or my children end up homeless or on the street. He never let us go hungry…not even for one day. When people would leave us, He would send others in to show us love and kindness.
He never left me and just thinking about this lesson brings tears to my eyes like waterfalls. I am so in awe and thankful that He has never once dropped us. Most of the places that He has taken us to, we had nobody. Also 95% of the time we had no vehicle to use. There were times of extreme cold, that would have left us frozen to death if we had no place of refuge. Likewise, there were times of extreme heat that would have killed us from thirst.
I remember sitting on a park bench, in one to the scariest moments of them all. I had my 2 kids with me and not even a dollar to feed them with. At that moment we had no place to go, so we sat at a hospital waiting for God to show up to rescue us. I was in a city that was unfamiliar and everyone that I once knew had turned away from me. I had not a soul in the world that I could call. I remember trying to stay calm and trust God, but so badly I wanted to break down on that park bench and cry my eyes out.
Yet like the Hero of Love that He is, Jesus manifested to be our Ever-Present Help in a time when I was beyond helpless to save myself or my children. All I ever had to support my family was a promise from the Father. I had His word and now I see that His word was more valuable than any earthly treasure. His word stood every test and conquered every impossibility. Today, I can’t stop crying because I am so thankful that He has taken us so far. I feel bad that I still get scared about where He will take us next, but when I look back, I am comforted.
To those of you who have walked with us and helped in our needs, I want to thank you personally. You have shown us the true love of Jesus. What you have done for our family will be repaid to you in an exceeding abundance. And now I am going to finish packing and preparing for what is next. Of course, I hope that things will be easier and less terrifying, but at least I can look back and see the proven dependability of His promise. Thank you, Jesus.
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