Tonight I laid my head on my pillow with tears pouring down my cheeks. I tried to imagine again the spiritual rainbow colored sparrow tree that the Lord promised me. He showed me this tree during some of my most painful times on meeting Him in the desert type experience. His promise was to provide, even in times of emptiness.
This was all stirred up within me because today I took another jump of faith, similar to the very beginning in The Start of a Promise. Even though I cannot see yet how I would pay for it yet, I obeyed the Lord and reserved a place in the new city.
I was really surprised because a door suddenly opened up today with the use of transportation to get there. Everything happened so perfectly, I knew it was a Divine set up. Yet when I looked at all that we would need in the midst of the emptiness of what my bank account looks like, I started to battle so many fears.
I retraced the memories where God has taken us and so many times the pain of believing in a life or death situation was unbearable. He gave me the letter tonight called On the Top, a promise that now things will be different.
Even though He was speaking so kindly, the fears were getting out of control. I was thanking God with my thoughts and words but deep inside my heart was trembling. As I spoke out His promise, the tears wouldn’t stop falling. I have been trying to only think from My promises and answered prayer, like the Lord showed me to do in Baby 101. Even in the heat of the mental battleground, I am going to keep thinking only the positive thoughts. I feel like writing this tonight to let it go, will help me to concentrate on thinking with God.
The Holy Spirit was singing a song about wild horses to me, to remind me of His teaching on fear titled, Flight or Delight. I knew from experience that the fears were a sign of His miracle emerging because it was being contested by my dark enemy. It has felt like my chest has been sinking from the pressure, but I have to believe that through this experience I am sinking into the deliverance of His calming love.
With all of the times the Lord has moved us, even across the country, I cannot explain why I am struggling so badly right now. He showed me that this was another trust fall and that I would not be able to see what was happening…like being blindfolded, I have to trust Him to lead me. Not being able to see can be awfully scary.
My update is that we are planning to go this weekend. I cannot tell you where the money will come from or how we will eat. But I can tell you that He has never yet failed me. So long ago, I stood in this place of trembling. I trusted the Lord with my precious children when we booked a hotel room with only enough for 5 days. Like the basket of bread that never ends, He has always been faithful. Sometimes we had an abundance and other times we were thankful with crumbs.
I will tell you that I believe with all of my heart that this next city will be a turning point for us to finally have a home. I believe it will be a time of vindication to all of those who harshly judged the Lord’s calling for me to follow. It never seemed fair, because I was attacked for following His plan. I can tell you that if I was the Master planner, I would have done it differently. Yet if I did things my way, I would never have known such a rich expression of His personal love.
Through this walk, Jesus has been healing my heart from a lifelong trail of abuse and abandonment. I found my best friend and deepest soul lover. Maybe tonight something beautiful will happen to bring relief. If not, I am going to stick around to follow Jesus and see where this goes. I appreciate your kindness and merciful love as you have walked with me and my children. Also, if we ever needed your help and compassion it is now. Hopefully soon I will have an amazing testimony to share.
Love your friend, Dannette
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