I thought I would take a moment and share my experience of repeating the Baby 101 “Promise Fasting”. For the first 16 hours, I was very diligent to concentrate all of my thoughts and words on the promises from God. Every time that I had a fear, I would instantly cast it down with the thoughts, ‘nothing bad is going to happen’. Somehow for me that was an easier way of giving it to God and trusting Him.
I have often heard that physical fasting will cause detox symptoms emotionally. This proved to be true for me with this mental fasting as well. As I swam deeper into the heart level of faith, the Lord started to pull out some things that needed to be healed and cared for. Around the 16th hour of starving my doubts and fears, I got weary and I found myself crying to God with deep cries of anguish.
As if I was someone who was going through the seven stages of accepting death, I started to bargain with Him. In between the tears, I was telling Him, “God I just don’t want to suffer, I don’t need to have new clothes and I will sleep on the floor for the rest of my life, just please no more suffering”. The truth was, it was my unbelief that was the core of all of my afflictions. I was speaking so much ugliness that was absolutely in contradiction to His promises for an abundance.
I cried myself to sleep and then woke up early so that I could keep praying. I was praying to be able to cover our room for a week, so that I could have some time to rest. I felt more refreshed and I was in a place of gratitude and expectation. However the time kept on ticking and the Lord started to move through more heart issues that needed healing.
Once again, I found a place of faith weariness and I broke down crying again. My prayer had not yet been answered and emotions of pain and bitterness were beginning to surface. I realized through talking things over with Holy Spirit, that I needed to work through some more healing and releasing pain from the past. What really surprised me was that I learned I had been holding resentment towards one of my promises. A part of me was like Jonah, running from my calling and resisting God’s plan for my life.
If it were not for this specific promise, I would have done things according to man’s logic that didn’t require faith. I would not have had to be so harshly criticized by some of those who have never experienced this kind of walk. Sometimes walking by faith feels like being a football player, being yelled at by the man eating popcorn and drinking beer in the stands. It can be hard, very hard. Yet so very rewarding.
A sigh of relief was felt at the final hour of my deadline. God swept in as my Hero of rescue and sent enough for me to cover a few nights. After all of this soul detoxing, my chest feels crushed by the pain that resurfaced from the depths where it was hiding.
I am going to take a moment and pray through the junk that came out during this faith fast to let go of the toxic things that were hindering my progress. Then I will resume and begin again. Believing and trusting in God’s promises is a heart issue and sometimes we need to heal from memories and pain before we can reach the deeper levels of trust.
In Mark 11:23, the scripture states that if we believe in our heart, it will happen. Although this time around my challenge did not seem successful, I believe that the Lord is taking me deeper into trusting HIm and His words by pulling out the poisons of unbelief and pain.
It has been proven that the physical heart holds memories and that there are unique brain cells in the heart that are separate from the brain. There are times that healing from past traumas need to be realized in our souls before venturing into the deeper unknown places of seeing the faith manifestation of hopeful expectations. For as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.