It is no surprise that today ended up being a day of many tears. Last night I had an experience with Jesus, where He was walking me through memories of childhood rejection and abuse for healing and release. He revealed to me that there were areas where I was pushing Him away because my heart was hardened by pain.
Then He gave me a vial of liquid to bring healing tears and it was labeled “Isaiah”. To be specific, it was Isaiah 61: 3, “to give those who mourn a crown of beauty instead of ashes”. The Lord assigned an angel to accompany me through the memories and the name of the angel was “Part of His Tribe”. Like watering the dry ground, His spirit poured and the tears of healing began to pour out.
Like an extremely dry and parched ground, I was not receiving all that He had been giving me from this hardness of heart. A ground that is severely dry has a difficult time absorbing water. The water will form puddles on top of the ground because of the surface pressure and resistance to change. Similarly, I was still locked in that place of pain and not opening my heart to receive the healing love of Jesus.
There was so much pain today and so many tears. At the same time, there was so much healing and watering of the dry ground. In only 12 days I will be facing my 44th birthday and I have honestly cursed my own life from the afflictions of this past year more than I can count on both hands. Needless to say, there was a lot of bitterness that needed to be released as well. This is also the same year that a witch told me twenty years ago that I would reach death.
However, this is also the same time that Jesus promised me that I would encounter a miracle healing and renewal of life. I struggled to understand why I was so abused and unloved by those who were supposed to love and nurture me. But my promise from Him is beauty for the ashes. Like Job, I believe that this birthday marks a time turning of double blessing for the latter days.
His promise was also that no pain would be wasted. That means there is so much beauty ahead and double joy for all of the tears. No matter how much pain there was and regardless of how wretched the past, there will be joy in the morning and the end will be better than the beginning. God is a God of justice and there will surely be a double blessing to take the place of all pain. That is something worth celebrating! Here is to a new year, one of celebrating the blessing of life instead of cursing the gift.
Love and blessings,
To all who mourn in Israel,
He will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for His own glory.