I still remember the very first thought that inspired the beginning of this blog. I was in a store when my daughter was little and I was trying to think of a way that I could earn money to support my family, while still being able to be home with her and have the freedom to set my own hours. I was praying and praying for God to give me a brilliant idea. Then a light sparked within me and I thought about writing a blog. After that little idea, the Lord transformed it into a promise of His intentional love…one that I didn’t have to struggle or fight for.
The original promise came to me through the spoken word of the Lord. He told me that my blog was my income and then He showed me my purse being filled with many pens and highlighters. There was even a wild encounter where He was picking fruit that was growing out of my fingers! Yet when my faith was tested by walking through “desert-like” experiences, I would always have other options in my mind. To myself, I would say, “if God doesn’t come through for me, then I will go do this or that” in a way of making my own way apart from trusting in His power to keep His promise to me.
He showed me how the enemy would come through thoughts or even people yielding to a Jezebel spirit to say things like “you are begging for money” or to try to condemn me into working in a way that is apart from the promise that God gave to me. Those little black seeds were (for a time) giving me even more insecurity to trust God above man or other powers.
Then one night, He came to me like a Husband and said that I would continue to struggle until I stopped having other options in my mind. It was like an intimate marriage. When one person always has one foot out the door, ready to go, it is impossible to trust that person completely. I realized that I had been failing with God on that account.
Love always expects the best in a person and I was always expecting God to fail to honor His vow to me. Somewhere along the journey, I had believed in the lies that said that He would not help me or remember His love for me.
But to walk by faith is to walk in full assurance of what we cannot yet see. Now I am coming back to that promise, even amidst all uncertainty in what it looks like currently. I am choosing to trust Him with all of my heart and expect the best in Him to keep His vow. If anything, I should have been celebrating because His promise was my voucher of guarantee, even during times of difficulty.
Just like a bride who gives all of her heart to her husband, without having a backup plan of distrust and doubt. If I cannot do that with Jesus then there is little hope that I could do that for my future husband honestly. To love means to take the risk of being vulnerable.
I have a similar situation happening with the medical side of things too. I was able to get to my doctor’s appointment yesterday (thank you so much for your prayers and help!). The things that the doctors were saying was the opposite of what God was saying. The doctor said that there was a zero percent chance that the implants are causing any harm. He also said that the only way for me to know for sure is to have them removed and then send a sample for testing.
It will be a few weeks from what I was told before I know what my options are because they are going to see if insurance would cover anything. So once again, I am in a place of trusting in the counsel of Jesus and not the wisdom of man.
With tremendous love and tears of gratitude, I want to thank those of you who have been loyal to my life, even when my story went against the normal grain of what may not be acceptable in man’s eyes. I adore you and thank you for walking with me. I thank God for you and I pray you are exceedingly blessed today because He sees how you have embraced and accepted me with unconditional love and trust in what God is doing through it all.
To send a blessing of support: