I know that the Lord wants me to write this and I have been wrestling with it for days because it is very difficult. Writing this post exposes pain, failure, and weakness. Yet I am going to lock eyes with Jesus and trust that He knows what He is doing. So here goes…
The path that I have walked the past few years has been incredibly painful. Living this lifestyle of doing things differently, while being subjected to the opinions of those watching has been hard. Jesus has walked me through fears over and over to show the reliability of His promises, but it hurts so much to be so exposed and out of my comfort zone. The pain of believing for something in a matter of life or death that I can only see by faith has been excruciating.
Then, of course, there was so much affliction that had preceded that. Pain is like a sponge to comfort and only those who have tasted true pain can understand the heart aches for the relief of comfort. During this year, I started to fall out of alignment with what God had planned for me and I got myself into a place of self-comfort that I knew was not God’s plan for me.
God gave me so much love and grace and He started to show me how He was going to bring a sudden purge to wash away the old things and awaken the new that He promised. That time is here and I discovered a new fear that was lurking beneath the surface of the situation.
As Holy Spirit gently encouraged me to let go of what was, I sat with a trembling heart. I told Him that I was scared of my weakness when the comforts were gone. I was afraid that I would fall into the deep abyss of loneliness and I was worried about if I would fail again and create another mess.
As we talked, He showed me that He would be the Comforter of love to catch me. In fact, all last night He blessed me with dreams of a true love promise coming to pass as an unexpected surprise. In order to make room for the new things that God has, it is important to let go of the past things that need to be removed.
Leaves fall off of the tree because the new bud grows big and pushes off the old leaf. That means that when God asks us to let go of something old, it is because the new blessing has already arrived. I am thankful that the Father has given such unconditional love to help me come back to where I belong.
I openly repent of going my own way and not trusting the path that God had made. I repent of trying to comfort my own pain, instead of trusting Jesus to bandage my wounds and heal the places that ached. I let go of what He has asked to remove and I am choosing to trust His plan as He opens this chapter to a new life.
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