It was the night before my birthday and my ex-husband and I were fighting again. I remember not knowing where to turn, so at 3 a.m. I called my father. I was desperate for someone else to see the emotional abuse and somehow help me. My father said to me, “get yourself independent so that you don’t need a man”. Those were the last words he ever spoke to me. The following night of my birthday, he died of a heart attack.
My dad was always the one that I ran to when I was afraid and needed help. I depended on him and when he left me, I made it my purpose to strive for independence. I tried working tirelessly around the clock as a young mother. After a while, I let my guard down and I accepted my husband’s request that I would be a stay at home mother to take care of the kids. Once again, I allowed myself to be vulnerable to depend on someone else. In a different way, my husband left me too and I was helpless.
The Lord swept down like a giant eagle to rescue me and my kids and He gave us a new path to follow of depending on Him. I can honestly say, that the growth of my heart to depend on Him is also a place of hurting. I am learning to be patient and to trust. I don’t always agree with the path that He has taken us on and I have endured through many persecutions for following the path Jesus has directed us to follow.
Before we ever started this journey the Lord gave me an impartation of a personal promise and He said: “you can afford to support your family”. But instead of going out to get some executive job, He instructed me to work on this blog and trust Him to provide the water of donations. He also showed me that one day this ministry would be a huge source of financial blessing to others in a time of catastrophic need, it is something that is too large to even share yet. The seeds sown into this ministry are going to come up as diamonds of His intentional love.
The other night, He spoke to me in a very symbolic way to give promises of protection and provision. It was a way to soothe the fears that were burning like scorching flames around me. He displayed myself and my children as baby sheep who were helplessly following His way. There was a giant cliff and underneath the cliff were monstrous enemies of wild animals that would seek to destroy us. At one point, we wandered onto a fragile little branch that would have caused us to fall into our biggest fears to be devoured.
However, the Lord showed me that He had gone ahead of us to block off the paths that could hurt us. In front of the blocked path of protection, He gave us our own tree of provision. Through this dream encounter, He gave us a promise of protection and provision in this helpless state of depending on Him completely.
I am closing my eyes today to imagine that tree of provision over our heads because I don’t know where the money will come from to cover our groceries or our room for tomorrow. It is terrifying and equally comforting to depend on Jesus in such a delicate way. He is using this path to show us that He is trustworthy and faithful. Whatever unique and completely crazy path that He takes us on, we can be comforted to know that He has already gone ahead of us to provide and protect our way.
If I could talk to my dad today, I would tell him about how I am learning to depend on Jesus as my husband and best friend. We never really know that something can be trusted until it is tested. This is all used to draw us closer into resting on Him in complete dependence. I hope that you are also comforted today by this vision of His promise to protect and provide. His love is the umbrella where we can rest from the heat and find refreshment. I pray that the Lord would show up to manifest blessings of His provisional love for you and for us today. God bless you, precious family!
Love and blessings~!
To send a love gift:
You know every step I will take before my journey even begins.
You’ve gone into my future to prepare the way,
and in kindness, you follow behind me
to spare me from the harm of my past.
With your hand of love upon my life,
you impart a blessing to me.
Psalm 139 TPT