This morning I woke up with the realization of the fragility of my situation. It occurred to me how madly insane it was to be in this situation of depending on something that I cannot see for survival that could mean life or death.
As I reflected more, I traveled back to see in utter amazement how God has provided for us for so long. It is strangely terrifying at times and I often feel like I am on the top of a skyscraper made of thin glass that gently sways in the wind. At any moment, if we were dropped, the devastation would be heart-shattering.
Then I continued to go back and wonder, who is this God who loved me enough to take care of me when I had no one to count on? As a newborn, I was adopted and I spent the first 3 months of my life in an orphanage with other infants who were unwanted. Then I was adopted into a home where l was unloved. I used to cry myself to sleep at night as ask God, “why did you bring me here?”, then I would imagine what being truly loved, beyond good behavior would have felt like.
Yet God was very intentional with me and even my birthdate of February 10th, spoke about His intentional purpose of love for the unloved in Exodus 2:10, ‘when the time was right, the woman brought him to Pharaoh’s daughter, and she adopted him as her own. She named him Moses because, as she explained, “I took him out of the water.”
My memories traveled to when I was a youth and in ballet class. The rich girls used to mock me and snicker behind my back. When I failed to remember my left foot from my right foot, they would all laugh at me, while keeping their distance from the freaky girl in ballet shoes.
As a teenager, I was dressed so pretty in my cheerleading uniform during a pep rally. As each girl was introduced, the crowd would clap and cheer. Yet when it was time for my name to be called, the entire crowd was silent, except for the sound of one tiny “boo”. My heart sunk inside and tears were rolling down my cheeks.
Even further, was the abusive marriage, when my husband would tell me that my deceased father never loved me and that my entire family despised me. As I ventured into the prophetic ministry, there was an onslaught of jezebel attacks against me of false accusations.
I remember taking my children to a church and there was a group of women who claimed to be prophets for Jesus and they decided they would not go to the church that night because they were afraid that their children would catch demons from my children. The other people in the church shunned me and I was forced to sit by myself.
As I sat in that church, completely heartbroken at the cruelty, I remember closing my eyes and just going away with Jesus. I always wanted it to be just me and Jesus after that, so I distanced myself from ever being near people again.
So when the Lord asked me to survive in such a faith that I needed to depend on the support of others for a time, I was terrified. I couldn’t understand how God would ever be able to take care of us, the unloved, through people because people had never loved me.
That is how I know that God has done miracles. And every time one of you shows me the love of Jesus through your help or even compassion, I am left in tears of amazement by the intentionalities of His love. I just want to say thank you with all of my heart and share a glimpse of my story today.
To send a love gift:
At that time I will plant a crop of Israelites
and raise them for Myself.
I will show love
to those, I called ‘Not loved.’
And to those, I called ‘Not my people,’
I will say, ‘Now you are my people.’
And they will reply, ‘You are our God!’”