Sometime last week the Holy Spirit continued to highlight to me that He was going to carry us and He also spoke the word “rescue”. As the days moved on from that, I noticed a pattern that started to happen. It was always just when we needed it, that God would send the money for our food and shelter.
The Lord was a Rescuer for us time and time again. One day I woke up not knowing how we would pay for things and before the needs began to press into us, a donation was received. Several times the money to cover our room would show up just before we needed it and not too soon either.
I realized through being carried, that there were places that I needed to heal in my ability to trust God. Many times I would lock myself into the bathroom to lay down and cry. I hated having to wait for the last minute, like the damsel in distress. I was struggling to trust His heart to take care of us, instead of resting in His arms.
I found myself in a place of pressing in to declare His promises with faith one second and on my knees weeping in desperation the next. So many times I found myself hopeless because things didn’t happen the way that I would have had them happen.
I realized that the easiest thing, of being carried, was indeed the hardest thing for me. I was squirming and crying against the rhythm of His heartbeat. I was fighting and kicking instead of resting and believing that He had good plans for me. And if I can be honest…I was angry because I didn’t like the way that He had taken me. It was hard and it seemed unfair to me.
Although I do know that He is the One that can see the end from the beginning, I have been battling fear tonight about how He will come through to help our needs for tonight and in the morning. As I even write this, He is saying that He is here and that this is part of learning the intentionalities of His love and experiencing the realness of His presence.
So tonight, I am going to try to stop fighting this thing of being carried. I am going to try to give Him my heart and rest my head against His chest. Maybe I can get quiet enough and still my restless soul to hear His heart beating.
Being carried is about patience and learning to trust His steps. It is about trusting His direction when we cannot see or make sense of His ways. It is about casting ourselves into His care and choosing to trust His good intentions.
Sometimes that means that we have to burn the bridges of disappointment and pain, to stop looking at those times when we were crushed by pain. It is looking up to the Father as a doe-eyed child with trust and happy expectations. Tonight I pray that we can all be able to trust those times of being carried and learn to rest, even in the crisis that begs us to worry.
To send a gift of support:
And when you are old, I will still be there, carrying you.
When your limbs grow tired, your eyes are weak,
And your hair a silvery gray, I will carry you as I always have.
I will carry you and save you.