The last 24 hours were devastatingly painful for me from disapointment. Some of it was self-inflicted, some warfare and some just the frustrations of faith. There was a revelation word of knowledge that God had given me about my life and circumstances that I had been expecting to unfold.
As usual, my idea of how the timeline would be was different from His. I ended up going through a crash of deep disappointment when what I was expecting did not (yet) come to pass. Not only was it disappointing, but I was also treated badly and humiliated because the person that was working in the business did not see what I could see by faith.
There was also an incident of my past bad choices being brought back up, as mud trying to smear my face. But I held my ground and reminded myself of all of the wonderful things that God promised me. It can be hurtful when others cannot see us the way God has revealed us to be. Sometimes we just have to stay quiet and wait for God to show people the beauty of a “new name”.
Finally, the were things that I had been clinging to by faith about our financial promises and I had to suffer some things that I didn’t expect. I was really pained because I was disappointed that those beautiful flowers of faith did not show themselves the way that I had been hoping. I was frustrated with God and I had never felt so alone in my life.
I felt like there was not one person who could find this part of me who was hurting. I felt like I had been forgotten by everyone who used to help me. It seemed as if there was no one in the world who could understand. As I sat in my bathroom weeping to God about the pain that I was feeling, He reminded me of the treasure of His friendship. Holy Spirit showed me the little cowboy toy from The Toy Story, and He said: “You’ve Got a Friend in Me”.
After I wiped my face from the tears, God was generous with grace and sent two friends to come to my aid, to help a specific desperate need. Even in the midst of the confusion and discouragement, it was comforting to be reminded that He is with us, even in those dark moments. This morning as I found myself falling further into doubt and hurt, I was sent a love letter from another person that was beautifully written about how He is with me, even when I feel alone.
The thing is, this kind of pain can happen when we are walking by faith. Those things that God has revealed to us are hidden, but eventually, become the invisible foundation that shapes the reality of our world. Those things, if we don’t give up…become real and tangible. When we move far enough into faith, those things become more real to us than the everyday things around us. That can be difficult when trying to maneuver in a world that “cannot see”.
Even though the flowers did not blossom and the hopes that I had did not materialize, I still believe that they will. Maybe things were not yet pouring in the way that God promised me, but that does not make those promises untrue. In fact, He even gave me a dream to help me understand His determination of helping.
I was standing on top of a deep pit of mud and then Jesus sent an angel to deliver me the things that I had been hoping for in an extremely large package. The angel went over her head into the mud, just to make sure that I was taken care of. I was standing there, on this mud and by a miracle, I was not falling in.
Like a baby that is formed in the darkness and then suddenly comes to the light, I still believe that it will suddenly manifest to be better than expected. I still believe that what God has revealed will happen with certainty. Somehow walking through this experience is already energizing my faith and expectancy to being more than what it was to produce the hope that does not disappoint.
I felt like sharing my heart and experience with you today, my friends. It is comforting to share the hard times as well as the good times. If you feel like you are moving backward, chances are that you are closer than you even realize. Thank you for your continued support, love, and friendship.
Now faith is the assurance (title deed, confirmation) of things hoped for (divinely guaranteed), and the evidence of things not seen [the conviction of their reality—faith comprehends as fact what cannot be experienced by the physical senses].