Yesterday, I was outside and I saw a large praying mantis on a brick wall. I immediately knew that God was going to have me ask for prayers. Then this morning the Lord gave me a vision about humbling myself and being vulnerable to you on this blog.
Being vulnerable and open to share what I have walked through has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. When I was little, I spent all of my time alone. I was a child who had been molested and abused. In my mind, I had come to the conclusion that people were bad and that they would only hurt me.
So I developed a form of pride that was exalted in independence. I refused to let anyone in my life. I would not allow anyone to touch me and to ask for help was the last resort. I told myself that I didn’t need anyone and I started to become my own hero.
God has been working with me over the past 2 years of sharing my testimony to overcome that pride of independence and to heal the wound in my soul of how I saw people. I always felt like everyone was against me and I was highly defensive. But God has been telling me that we were never meant to walk alone.
About 2 months ago, I was so humiliated by what I have had to go through and I imagined how poorly everyone must have thought about me. Even though God has made me wealthy with promise, I imagined that I had a reputation of being poor, homeless and pathetic. So at that time, I decided in my heart to go back to being alone and to stop sharing the painful parts of my journey.
What was interesting was that at the same time that I stepped back into that place of independent pride, the donations of help nearly stopped. For the past 2 months, there has barely been anything and I have been praying about what was going on. The Lord kept telling me to humble myself and that He will lift me up.
After seeing that praying mantis on the wall, I have come to understand that the Lord is asking me to humble myself to ask for help. Go figure that God would put me into a position where He wants me to depend on the people that He sends to help me.
It is time to heal from the pride of independence and we desperately need your help in order to stay in our room. Today, I am asking you for prayers and for help to get back up. Thank you in advance for your love and kindness.
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