Long before I arrived at this place, I was in a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage for over a decade. Even when the man was unfaithful, I was always too afraid to leave because I didn’t think that it was possible for me to be financially independent. During some of the abuse sessions, he would say to me that God would never support me and that I could never make it without him. I became so paralyzed by fear that I accepted any kind of abuse that came.
Before that man finally had his final affair and left me alone with 2 kids, I was having a prayer day with my closest friend. Inspired by the Holy Spirit, my friend had me make a list of everything that I wanted God to be for me. One of the things on my list was that God would be my “Ever-Present Help”. Once my past husband left, I had no choice but to depend on Jesus, because it was life or death for me and the kids.
I was like His little sheep who He carried on His shoulders. I had been through so much trauma, that I was in desperate need of heart healing. He held me close to feel His heartbeat and it was in the wilderness of unsurvivable conditions that He began to show me the intentionalities of His love. He wrapped me in His love and began to heal me from the neglect.
However, the healing came from an environment that one would not suspect. Before we left for the journey, the Lord gave me a promise to be my Source of abundant provision, the Wellspring of refreshment in the desert. He brought me to a place that looked unsurvivable by man’s logic to be the manifestation of all of my needs.
But once she has nothing, I’ll be able to get through to her. I’ll entice her and lead her out into the wilderness where we can be alone, and I’ll speak right to her heart and try to win her back. And then I’ll give her back her vineyards; I’ll turn the valley of Achor, that “Valley of Trouble,” into a gateway of hope. Hosea 2:14-15 ❤
The more I was afflicted by the appearance of fear, the more His love would manifest with the opposite outcome. While He carried me, I eventually learned that He was dependable and safe. Many nights during that desert place, I would hold a stuffed bear in my arms and pray for Jesus to show up to save us with money to survive. I was so desperate for comfort and so very afraid.
There were times when He would allow pressures to come, but those pressures were for healing. Like a deep tissue massage, the deep pressure was used to draw out the deep hidden fears and doubts. The Father knew what I needed to be able to trust Him and my need for healing was severe. Even as a child, my ability to trust anyone was very damaged because I was molested at the age of only 5.
The appearance of devastation is an invitation for manifesting comfort. I learned through the hardship, that God’s plans were always good. He never allowed my fears to happen. If I never knew the affliction, then I would never know the need for a Comforter. That is what Jesus has been for me through this. He has manifested to be the Comfort of every need.
Without the night, the stars would lose their brilliance. Without the sand, the sea glass would not know the beauty that followed being an outcast. Or like Charles Spurgeon once said, “those who dive into the sea of affliction bring up rare pearls”. Jesus knows what each individual person needs in order to know His closeness through experience and gained trust.
His deep love will meet us in those moments of need to bandage up the pain and torment caused by fear. Sometimes the best way to experience His love and kindness is by being in a difficult environment. It is through that dependency, that His comfort manifests to be our Ever-Present Help.
I am not even the same girl who used to tremble in a man’s presence or hoard my resources out of self-serving fear. I have been learning that money and lack do not control me, because I have a promise that is Sovereign over every circumstance. Jesus has been showing me that He is faithful when faithfulness was forgotten. He is the Life Water when trapped in a desert place. He is the love that floods the fear away.
So although you may not understand the place that you are in or why God would take you through such a difficult road, just know that everything is for your blessing. Miracles bloom past the opposition of adversity. The dirt and rocks along this path are only used to manifest the desires of your heart. Don’t even sweat anything because God will not fail you. His goodness and love are your constant Refuge. He will not fail to be the Comfort that you need every day.