A change came like a whirlwind last night. For the past few days, God had been preparing my heart to leave the place where we were and to go back to the last town that we stayed in. A situation happened suddenly that opened a way for me and the girls to transition to the new place. Even before the pathway was opened, God released us the funds to go through a donation given at the perfect time. The signs were everywhere that we needed to go and I had a rainstorm of confirmation.
Because of the small space in the vehicle that was taking us to the new place, we had to let go of more of our things. At the last minute, I was casting bags into the dumpster. There was not enough room for anything extra. When we arrived at the new place, I felt like I had been carried there by a twister. The sudden change threw off my comforts of routine. At the end of the day, I ended up having exactly what we needed to cover our room and get a few groceries for the day. Completely exhausted, I crashed into bed after 1 in the morning.
The next morning, I woke up with anxiety pounding on my chest, because I started to see the mountains of needs before me and how scary it was to me. One of the things that I had accidentally let go of before leaving was a special notebook that I used to give my worries to God. For the past several weeks, the burdens and fears were so much, the only way that I could breathe was to let go of my worries into a notebook to God. In my heart, I felt like if I wrote down my burden to God, that is was more “real”. It gave me peace to know that I had documentation of the needs I had given to God. Every time after God would take care of those needs, I would check it off in my notebook.
I had so many days of worries that He completed for me. All the nights that our room was paid, every food need and all else that I wrote in my notebook was covered. This morning, when I had all these problems to face for today, I was so afraid because I realized that I no longer had my special notebook. Even though I know that it was not the notebook that made the miracles happen, it was such a special conversation between me and Daddy God. My deepest fears and most dreadful worries were given to Him in that book and I had proof of every time that He took care of me.
So today, I sit here in this new place, trying to not look at our needs but to focus on giving God my worries. I have to choose to let go of everything that I fear and to trust. At the same time, there has been a change in my health and I have found myself crying from the exhaustion of walking through so many faith tests for my financial promises while fighting for the strength to physically endure. God promised me that He would take care of all that we need and I have to choose to trust Him. He also promised to heal me and deliver me from death. My prayer today is for His comforts of compassion to manifest to be our generous help.
Since I do not have my special notebook, I am pouring all of this into today’s blog and releasing these worries and tears to Him through it. As I let go of all of these things, I am going to trust that He is here with us to always as our ever-present Help. Trust is a sacrifice, a choice of the heart. We don’t just wait to be able to trust, but we have to be deliberate in our actions and choose what we will trust. Every thought is a choice of a blessing or a curse. And honestly, if I cannot trust Jesus to be my everything, then every breath that I have breathed is pointless. He is the Well of water within and His promise remains, “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you”.