This weekend, I did something that was either bold in faith or completely stupid. The Lord had been talking to me about where My trust comes from. Before my focus on paying for our food and shelter was always in what I had. I was constantly calculating how much money I had versus how much money we needed to cover our debts. The problem with that was My focus and trust was more in what I could see that I had, and not having faith in God to be My unlimited Source, as He has promised.
So we walked through the Bible story of the widow with only enough supply to feed her son and herself for one meal. God sent Elijah there to this lady to release to her a blessing, so God could be her Hero from the famine of death. What God asked this lady to do was to put her trust in the character of God and His kindness, by giving what she was trusting to feed her child and herself with. I never really related to the pain of that sacrifice until this weekend.
On Saturday, I had just enough money to pay for our room and one meal for my kids and myself. However, I was sensing the pull of God on my heart to take a risk of faith and to give all that I had, as a sacrifice of trust in God to provide. A person who was in a desperate need reached out to me and I chose to put my trust in God as my Source, instead of the usual way of trusting in what I had and what I needed. I had so much peace at first, until the reality set in of what happened.
The next morning, I had no money to cover our room and I spent more than 5 hours, thanking God for the provision that was coming and using my vision to take hold of it by faith. At the 11 a.m. hour of check out, there was still no money. By this time, I had to resist the urge to think any thoughts of regret from my leap of faith. I went to the front desk and asked the man working if I could get an extra hour because I was still waiting for the money to arrive. He was very kind and allowed my request.
Finally, at about 10 minutes before the deadline, I had received double what I sent that person in need. God gave back double for the sacrifice. I was not perfect in this, I will admit. When I realized that we were about out of time, I reached out to a couple of people for prayer. I felt like I could not handle the weight of standing through this trial alone anymore.
I was trying so hard to only look to God as my source, but I really believe that in this moment that God wanted me to lean on some friends. That was part of trusting in His kindness. I was afraid of getting rejected with cruelty, but just the opposite happened. Instead, I was embraced with love.
The test to trust God with our only meal was successful, but I will honestly say that I feel like I lost the wind in my sails after fighting for so long to hold onto faith and to trust. I am hoping that God will refill me with His strength and take away my worries about what I will do to cover tomorrow. From a girl who never trusted anyone, this is really a battle for me.
It may sound so simple for many, but because of the broken places I have been, trust has always been my biggest giant. Thankfully, God has shown me through this journey that He can be trusted. Now my prayer is that God would open up more of His kindness, and give me rest with some easier days. Thank you for reading this and I really do appreciate your prayers and kindness, as God helps me to trust Him in every way.
Thank you for your love and kindness,
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