I had to learn something that almost cost me my life. Over the past several months, the Lord took me through some exercises of extreme trust in situations that were terrifying to me. At times the pressure was so bad, that I was completely enveloped in anguish. Trying to trust God to keep His unseen promises to me while facing my worst fears was excruciating. There were so many times that I found myself pressed onto the floor in a puddle of tears, just begging for the pain to stop. I found a place of fearful torment where I pleaded with God to let me die. My hope was sunk into despair because I stopped believing.
That low place that I survived was a discovery of the end of myself. Like the weeping tears of blood, I was begging for God to take this journey from me. Then the Holy Spirit gave me a revelation to show me that the pressure and pain that I was feeling was only in unbelief. I should have been celebrating, because before having to walk through life-threatening situations, Jesus gave me promises of victory. Before I ever took the step of faith to trust God as my Source of all income, He gave me a promise to always give us a place to live and to fill my bank account with provisions of His love. So why was I afflicting myself? It was the stubbornness of unbelief.
Another revelation came to me when the Lord showed me that I needed to take every fear, every worry, every situation, all emotions, doubts, and every past experience to the cross. What Jesus was after was the entirety of my heart. He wanted me to place His words and promises above everything. He also needed me to trust Him completely. That meant that I could no longer panic or try to be my own hero in those desperate situations. It is either trust or unbelief, one or the other. To say that I am a believer and not trust God to do exactly as He promised is essentially a lie.
I am sharing this as a precursor to the next love letter, which is completely dripping with liquid diamonds of His love. It is almost too exciting to take in, as Jesus downloads His loving message for such a time as this. My prayer is that all of us would be able to truly be able to trust Jesus, to the point elevating His character and promises above every single problem. I want Him to be my Everything. May Jesus be the air that I breathe, my companion and complete Source of every possible desire and need. Soon the next letter will be published and I pray that you are saturated with His love as you inhale every single word.