This is another post that is very difficult to write, but I know that the Lord wants to do it. Hopefully to save someone else the same sorrow. It was several years ago, that I had a very vivid encounter with the Lord. Through this encounter, I was given a gift of knowledge about something in my future. In this very awe-inspiring time, the Lord showed me that He had chosen a true love for me and God was even generous enough to reveal to me who it was.
Much time had passed and it always looked impossible. However, through the years, God always gave me friendly confirmations as reminders. Time went on and I had always taken pride in the fact that I knew who I was going to be with. This pride grew and became a target for an attack because I thought I was unattackable in this area. After going through so much hardship and the long endurance of waiting, I grew restless and gave up my promise.
I had gotten very weak to resist the temptation to find someone else to spend my time with. I think that I was even a little bit upset over how the story was playing out, so I decided to make my own path. I went off and got myself into a long distance relationship for several months. It was not a genuine loving relationship and there was much heart hurt during that time.
While in my self-made story, I had a very memorable moment with the Holy Spirit when I was asleep. The Spirit showed me a picture of myself letting go of my promise, like a ship that sailed away empty. Then He started to talk to me about the “leatherback”. He showed me that a leatherback (in my personal communication with Him) was someone who decided to write their own ending. Then in the most direct way, I was awakened to the words “repent”. I woke up with a jolt at 1 a.m. and ended my relationship with this person right away.
After I woke up, the words “leatherback” just wouldn’t leave me alone. So I did some research and I found my disobedient relationship. From what I understand, when a leatherback female turtle does not flee away from the male, he sinks his hooks into her for mating. Once the female is hooked, she cannot escape the male. The “hooking” sounds very painful and aggressive. I read that it actually can leave the female turtle with blood and cuts on her shell. Symbolically, this is not the kind of love story that God had created for me.
It was a picture-perfect example of the toxic relationship that I fell into. I had decided that I did not trust the Father’s love story for me and so I went to make one myself. Writing this testimony is very hard for me because my heart was crushed through my own self afflicting choices. If God has given you faith in a love story from Him and even a promise, please trust Him and don’t ever let that promise go. I have had to go through so much heartache because I stopped trusting in God’s plan for my love story.
Jesus is the best at writing love stories and I know that someday He has promised me a Cinderella “like” love story. In the meantime, I have to recover from my mistake. Sometimes the areas that we are attacked the hardest are not the places where we are weak, but where we are strong. Pride is a sneaky target and I am a testimony of the grief that can come if we take pride in our own strength, instead of resting into His. I am hoping that this mess becomes a blessing to someone else from this lesson that I have learned from the leatherback.