The other day I closed my eyes to talk to God. Suddenly, I had a vision of my foot slipping on the ground. The sight was so real that my body was startled with an involuntary jolt. Immediately, there was a siren in my inner being. I knew that the Holy Spirit was speaking to me through that unexplainable moment.
The next day, started off the same as so many have lately. I woke up bright and early so that I had time to pray about paying for our room that day. As usual, I started off strong with faith and I was beaming with confidence that the Father would send us a financial gift through a donation to save us again. During the heightened place of faith, there was a donation that came in. However, it was not yet enough to cover our stay.
I continued to thank God and resisted the temptation of negative thoughts. But as the deadline appeared to get closer, things started to change. When there were only 23 minutes left before check out, my foot started to slip. It only took one fearful thought that I let in about what terrible things would happen if we couldn’t pay. Before I was even aware, I found myself slipping into the pain.
I was worried that if I did not have the money within those few minutes, we would be stranded on the street. We had no car and nowhere to go, everything was depending on our promise from the Lord. My girls were sleeping and I remember looking at their faces and I began to cry for them. I should have trusted God to take care of all of us, but I lost my grip of faith and I allowed doubt to take me down. Even with a direct promise from God and 2 years of tested proof that He is faithful, I was still terrified because I took My eyes off of Jesus.
Even though I had given in to the downward pull of fear, the Lord was still faithful. I ended up reaching out to someone that He put in my heart and asked for what we needed. Although I believe that God orchestrated that person’s heart to release what we needed, this moment was a big disappointment. I had this wonderful idea of having a whimsical faith moment because God has been showing me that He is writing me a miracle money story about covering our hotel that will bring Him much attention. Apparently, that is still another time.
I spent the whole next day very quiet in prayer and I cried often about what I was feeling from the pain of the fall. I realized that I needed to draw a line in the sand, between doubt and faith. The Lord showed me that I needed to give Him my fears once and for all and most importantly, I needed to trust Him with my children.
Without reserve, it is to dive into the self-abandoning dependence of trusting in His love. It is a deliberate choice to let go, despite the risk of heart-pounding fears. Being completely fragile in a place of rest and yet firmly supported by what cannot be seen yet. It means to deliriously fall into the Ever-Present arms of Love.
Although this faith test was not how I had hoped it would be, we are still supported by His personal promise to our family. My hope has grown stronger and I have been getting ready to see the next astonishing miracle that the Lord will do for us next. Just to share this openly with you, is a big step of trust. I hope that the next story that I share will be a celebration of trusting in His promise.
Thank you for reading!
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