I Was Drowning




I was drowning inside and once again I was faced with an impossible situation. It was 10 a.m. and our check out time was in an hour. One thing that I have experienced during all of this time of meeting Jesus in a hotel room, is that it is quite common for the bank or hotel to hold onto extra funds as an “authorization”. I had it happen to me a few times and when you are trusting for stability in an unstable environment, it can be really scary.


This morning, I was on the phone with the bank, trying to get extra funds released so that we would not become evicted from our room and forced on the road with nowhere to go. Time was running low and I only had $3 available in my account. Yet, God had been promising me that provision would show up as a miracle just in time. Fear and anxiety were getting so heavy that it felt like I was losing oxygen.


There was so much pressure at that moment, that it felt like there were 50 gallons of water sitting on my chest. While I was on hold with the bank representative, I was trying not to suffocate from all of the terrible dreads trying to get into my head of what could happen to us.


The only way I could breathe at that moment was to inhale deeply and exhale big. I was frantic and when I would inhale, I would say, “Jesus I have your favor. I am receiving a good outcome”. Then when I would exhale, I would say, “I am exhaling every bad thing that could come”.


It was like I was standing at the meeting point of the miraculous higher ground or falling rapidly down a slippery slope of deep fear and death. I knew at that moment that my sanity and my very life depended on what I would choose to think about. Even though there was part of me that wanted to think about the pain and how bad I wanted everything to end, I knew that it was crucial to focus on what God had said to me.


I was clinging to those promises for dear life, but the thread of my hope was starting to unravel. My hand was hurting from holding on and I felt myself coming part. Then the man from the bank came back to the phone call, only to say that there was nothing that he could do. He started to tell me that he understood…..and then I lost it.


At that point, I was sobbing with a stranger on the phone in absolute anguish. I started to cry out to him, “No, no you don’t understand! You have no idea what this is like. You don’t understand!….” then I just hung up on him and collapsed onto the floor with heavy weeping and unbearable bitterness. It was not even a minute later, that my phone started to go off with notifications of payments received. Just in time, within minutes of having to check out, God used people to help us in our time of need and I was able to pay for our room.


The day before this emotional disaster, God told me that He would comfort me in my affliction once again. That is exactly what happened. Jesus manifested to be exactly what we needed in our time of need. His words can be completely trusted and I am a witness of the faithfulness of God when we lay all of our weight upon Him.


Jesus showed up just like He promised, to rescue us once again. To those heroes that God used to help keep us from drowning, I give you the most heartfelt ‘thank you’. I cannot even express in sheer words the level of my thankfulness and the amount of relief that your help gives. I try to write little thank you notes to those who help. In the times when I fail to personally thank you, please know that I pray blessings over you with a thankful heart to God every single time.


God is so good and the stars of His promises shine, even brighter when pressed against the darkness of fear and dread. Living this faith walk with Jesus has been more difficult than I ever imagined and at the same time, it has been more rewarding than anything that I could ever do in this world. His love fascinates me and I am so thankful to be able to tell about these experiences to those who like to read about it. God bless you in every way!





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