The altar of trust can be a terrifying place that is both bitter and sweet to taste. To let go of control means facing many emotions. For me, I was afraid of suffering. I was also afraid of losing my children or making a mistake that would cause them harm. Kind of like Abraham’s journey, the Lord had asked me to follow him into a new and unfamiliar place in total trust. To do this would mean that I would rest every ounce of my life into the plan the Lord. It was crazy scary to me, because I had no active form of income, aside from a few donations of kindness to this blog. Yet God kept saying that this blog was to be our source of support.
I knew that God wanted me to book a hotel room and the amount of time that He placed in my heart was for 5 days. So I thought….5 days…and then what? Will we end up in a shelter? Will I lose my children? At that moment of decision, I stood to face the altar of trust. In order to get to that altar, meant walking through the whirlwind of thoughts whipping against my mind. I had to get to a place of letting go and surrendering over to God my biggest fears and most cherished possessions (my children). I had to accept that if I had to lose everything and suffer my biggest fears of deep affliction, that I would say ‘yes’ and give God my everything. In doing this, it meant giving Him my heart in total abandonment.
This is where the bitterness came in. Accepting and surrendering everything that I held in my heart was very painful. I had to come to a place of deciding that even if I lost my entire world, that I would still be blessed by the fact that I would never lose Jesus. I would never lose His love. No matter what I had to suffer, I could rest in knowing that Jesus would always be with me. I had to determine that no matter what, Jesus would be the center of my heart.
During this time of transition, those fears and worries were so heavy upon my heart. The only way that I was able to breathe through the pressure of the moment was to lay them up to God. I closed my eyes and listened to songs about God taking good care of us, as I pictured myself being held in His loving Hands. I remember spending days, laying on the rugged carpet of the hallway floor with tears streaming down my cheeks. I wish that I could explain to you the depths of fear that I faced in a tangible way. Fear is very tormenting and this battle for rest was severe for me. Only God really knows the level of difficulty I traveled through in my soul to be able to follow Him. He had given me so many promises of treasure that would come from this faith test. All He wanted me to do was to believe and follow.
I will make you into a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and you will be a blessing to others.
Genesis 12:2 NLT
After I faced these giants of fear and worry, the sweet part came and filled my soul. The Holy Spirit began to speak so lovingly to me about who HE is for me. In those times of sweetness, He showed me that He was on my side and that His plans were for good. I began to drink the sweet nectar of His love and hope came back to me. It was in that moment when I was desperate for hope that I chose to believe that God would be good to me and to my children and that His plans were better than my own. The altar of trust was all about trusting in God to be a Good Father to me and believing that His intentions for my life were good. No matter what was ahead for us, I knew that He would cause everything to work for our blessing.
“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”
― A.W. Tozer
When the day came for us to leave, the whole atmosphere instantly changed. I had such an unusual peace and confidence within. I was not fearful any longer, rather I was happy and excited about the new adventure that was waiting for us. God never let His promises to us fall to the ground. Before those 5 days at the hotel were over, He released money for me to stay continuously for several months under His provision. The hardest warfare had come before even making the choice to obey. Sometimes God only asks us to let go of every fear, worry or heart treasure in our minds. The mind is where the warzone takes place. Once we fully let go in total abandonment to trust God, then His grace takes over to do the heavy work.
It is like learning to float. We need to relax every tension so that we don’t sink and drown into deep waters of worry. Even now, imagine that Father God is right there, holding you up as you relinquish every fear, anxiety, thought and care into His hands. Make the deliberate choice to trust that He will be good to you and believe in what you hope for. He created your heart to move with Him in the waters of this life that you live. Faith takes trust and courage to face every fear while believing that He will be there to hold you up. When you finally let go and trust Him with everything dear to your heart is when you learn to float into His Arms. In the absence of the mental struggle, there is the blessing of rest. Instead of sinking into dread, you can confidently float.
Calm and quiet your soul. Surrender fully into My care.
Exhale every fear and let it all go.
Now inhale My presence.
Trust in Me as you rest in hope.
Do not worry,
I am holding you.
Relax every tension,
To send a love gift:
Or visit our website at http://www.diamondsfromthedust.com
Or by mail at:
2885 Sanford Ave SW
Grandville, MI 49418