There has been a memory that has been so heavy on my heart over the past few days and I see the Lord wanting to pull something beautiful out of it. It was at the very beginning of this story after I brought my children and myself to the first hotel. I can’t even explain to you the amount of fear that I had to fight through. Things did not come easily either. There were many days when I didn’t know what to do. It would be only hours before check out time and I had no one to turn to for financial support. I experienced so many waves of emotions during that distress of my soul.
I became so desperate, that I would hold my cell phone to my ear and then call on God in prayer with tears of panic and desperation. The hotel was located on a tiny dead end street. So I would pace up and down that dead-end street and cry in such anguish for God to help me. He promised me that we would not be homeless and that we could trust Him. He also told me that He would use this blog to be financially supportive to hold us up over the opposition because with God nothing is impossible. He wanted me to follow the unique path that He created for me so that the maximum amount of blessings would flow from each step.
At the same time, I would see all of these homeless people hiding behind the bushes on that street. My heart was broken for them and I would pray for them every day. Many times the Lord would instruct me to give what little money that I had to them and then trust Him to take care of my needs. I had such deep compassion and love for them and I knew that I was feeling the heart of God for these people. They would crawl out from under the fence of an electrical complex in the morning, as they went off in search for that next morning’s food and beverages. Whenever I saw them, I would cry until my whole body was weak and trembling, because I knew that I was a heartbeat from the same life and putting my children through that experience was a deafening fear that thundered against my mind with agitation.
During this emotional crisis, I had to push through so many feelings to get to my center place of peace through faith. There was one time when the time was almost out and we were about to be evicted from our room. Out of my own striving, I gave up on faith and I started calling around to everyone that I knew, begging for money. That situation of begging to receive what God already promised me, ended in humiliation. Those people did not understand what God had called me to do and they criticized me harshly with labels and cruel words. The only thing that kept me from falling into the depths of despair, was the hope that I had in God’s promise to me. I had His word, which was legal authority to trust and enter into rest, because it was a gift that was already given.
Now faith is the assurance (title deed, confirmation) of things hoped for (divinely guaranteed), and the evidence of things not seen [the conviction of their reality—faith comprehends as fact what cannot be experienced by the physical senses].
Hebrews 11:1 AMP
When you first begin to live in a supernatural promise, there is a time when you have to build up your faith. It is like a butterfly. Before a butterfly learns to fly, she must emerge from the chrysalis. This process is controlled by hormones that stimulate her central nervous system. It is a time of softening her to become transparent. She must push through with the strength of her legs in order to expose her wings to the fresh breath of air. Then before she is able to fly, she must build up her wings by moving them, so that they can be safely dried before she takes flight.
It is a similar process when coming to the place of manifested faith. There may be fears to push past. It may take rooting through some feelings, in order to finally lay down all striving to be able to trust God and firmly believe in everything that He has promised. Jesus was so gentle with me through this process. I went through many stages, as I pushed through the hardness of my soul to finally be able to trust Him, (and I am still going through the trust process). Sometimes I would be weeping in fear and other times completely outraged and angry at Him for letting me suffer such extreme conditions. If it were not for His personal and unconditional love to walk with me through these ugly emotions that I had to battle, I don’t know that I would have ever made it so far.
O Lord, you have searched me [thoroughly] and have known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up [my entire life, everything I do];
You understand my thought from afar.
Psalm 139:1-2 AMP
By now, most of you know my unique story, of how I jumped into God’s promise to me and my children in the face of danger. It has been only by the miracle saving word of the Lord that we have been supernaturally supported. We have miraculously been held up against all odds by His love and the support of those He calls to help us for nearly 6 months now. Two nights ago, the Lord showed me a vision of a golden stairway leading to Heaven. He specifically told me that He is now verifying me. To verify is “the act of ultimate proof or evidence of confirmation”. Finally, after such a gruesome fight of faith, the promises that He has given me will openly evident for all to see His faithfulness. His word was tested and tried under the steaming-hot refiners flame and now His words will come out as a golden fulfillment.
Like a butterfly, you have the most spectacular wings for flight. Sometimes based on what damage we had as children, it can take longer than others to build up and dry your wings to trust and believe. It is during that time that the Father is building you up with NEW experiences of His goodness and faithfulness, that you can know His unconditional and unwavering love. Please don’t be hard on yourself when you push through the emotions that may come as you settle into your place of rested faith. I pray today that you would have an encounter with the intentional love of the Father, to help ease and soften the wings of your soul for your journey into manifested promises. May you lift up out of every impossible-looking situation as you are fully wrapped and held in the power of the love and favor of the Lord.
Sending you warm hugs and encouraging love!
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Grandville, MI 49418