Not every experience on this journey has been roses. There was one disappointment that was a deep hurt to heal from. As most of you know by now, I am on a faith journey of following Jesus with total trust for our financial needs. In this calling that He has given me, I am to depend on the Lord as my Bridge of complete support through the people that He calls to help us in our need. This Bridge was formed from the promise that He revealed to me. He said that this blog would be my full income and that I would be able to completely support my family through it. Not only did He promise to provide ALL of our needs, but He has promised that it would become an abundant filling and in return I would become a financial blessing to many. Following Jesus like this has been a step of steep, radical obedience that strongly opposes the carnal mind of how things ought to be.
In the early part of this experience, I suffered a very traumatic experience that was very difficult to recover from. It was after about a month of being in a hotel. The Lord had a dear friend minister to me through her bird feeding. She told me that when it is time for her hummingbirds to move on to warmer temperatures, she stops feeding those birds, or else they would never want to leave. I knew in my spirit that the Lord was preparing me for some kind of change. Sure enough, the provision stopped flowing and drained out. By this time, I was in prayer every minute and in deep anguish over what I had to do. It was two of my children and myself in a hotel room, with no vehicle, no money and no place to go. I knew through the divine inspiration of the Holy Spirit, that I would be coming eventually into a healing journey for one of my children, whom the Lord exposed to me was very ill. I knew from what the Lord showed me, that at His perfect time, the sickness would be exposed for His great Glory to be manifested. I also knew that somewhere down this road, we would end up with an extended stay in medical housing.
With no other options, we let go of most of our belongings, leaving only 2 bags a person, so that we would be able to carry our belongings if needed. Then, I spent the last few dollars that we had on an Uber ride to the local children’s hospital. Once we arrived at the hospital, I had my child examined and to my disappointment, they did not see what the Lord had shown me. It just wasn’t that time yet. I was really hoping that we could enter into the medical housing and start my daughter’s healing testimony that the Lord showed me was going to be coming. I cannot even express to you the pain that ran through my mind when I sat on a park bench outside of the hospital with zero money to feed my kids, no transportation to go anywhere and no place to rest our heads. I was fighting back so many tears, as I tried to show faith and trust in God to my dependent children. Inside I was broken, but there was still hope for a light to break through.
I remembered that on the 10th floor of the hospital there was room for families to retreat to. So with our hands full with our bags, we carried our life up to that 10th floor, still hoping for a rescue. We spent several hours in that room, with no food or money. God gave my children so much grace that they never frowned or complained once (quite a miracle indeed! lol). Finally, there was a breakthrough where we were allowed a very short stay at a family members house, but it was a place were we not very welcome and certainly not wanted in the least bit. During those few days of discomfort and affliction, I never stopped crying. I was so sad with disappointment because this was not the way that I wanted things to go. Nothing at this moment was making sense. The very first day during this transitional time, I was attacked for my faith walk of obedience to God and there were accusations coming against me in the most hurtful way. I was so broken. It was like my heart had been completely crushed. I felt like I had completely failed, but more than that, I felt like God had failed me. The environment that we were in was full of pressure to leave and take the faith jump all over again.
After going through this, it was hard for me to pray in faith and it was even harder to trust God with all of my heart because I was holding bitterness toward God for letting me get hurt from the last experience. Yet it was imperitive for me to heal and recover from this disappointment, in order to reach the next level of faith to receive the bigger that God was promising me. The sweetness of the Holy Spirit started to speak to me about forgetting what happened and letting it go. He ushered me into a deep time of forgiving Him for what I had to suffer and from the disappointment that I felt. The Lord showed me that there was a reason why things had to happen this way and that I should not base my expectations and faith off of this experience. He told me that He was doing something New! From Isaiah 54:4, He spoke to me,
Fear not, for you shall not be ashamed; neither be confounded and depressed, for you shall not be put to shame. For you shall forget the shame of your youth, and you shall not [seriously] remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
The past can be a valuable tool or a big obstacle based on how we view it. It took a very long time for me to let go of what happened during this experience and trust God again. In order for my faith to be truly effective, there had to be no barriers in my heart to being able to trust God. Once I was able to forgive and let go of what happened to me, something amazing happened. Here I was, ready to take the leap of faith again and book a new hotel room. Just like the last time, I booked 5 days and then trusted that God was with me to uphold me with His promised word. When we got to the hotel (which was a much nicer hotel!) I was given those 5 days that I booked for free by the hotel. For next month, we were so blessed to indulge in this resort hotel with plenty to eat. It was an incredible experience of the all-intentional and powerful love of God in action.
It is important to keep your expectations of what God can and will do for you fresh and not bounced off of former disappointments. It is also a good plan to keep an open mind to know that God can bring about His blessings in unplanned or unexpected ways. The Lord was so gracious to keep His word to me that this time would not be like the last time. If you are in any way struggling to believe for the miraculous move of God because of the past things that you have suffered, my prayer for you today is that you are able to forget the former pain, let go of what happened and release God or whoever may be involved from the offense of suffering. I also pray that you would be able to come into a new place of believing that is not based on what you had to go through before. This is a new day and the Father wants to bless you beyond what you are hoping for.
Enlarge the place of your tent,
and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out;
do not hold back; lengthen your cords
and strengthen your stakes. Isaiah 54:2
Stretch yourself to believe for bigger than before and enlarge your heart to trust God more. You will not be put to shame, this time is not going to be like before. Come to the place of all abandoned trust in God and pick up your new found blessings.
I love you and thank you so much for taking this journey with me! If you would like to help bless our family during our faith calling, here is our Paypal link:
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2885 Sanford Ave SW
Grandville, MI 49418